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Are Men Emotional Prudes?
Are Men Emotional Prudes?

When it comes to sex, many men live in a fantasy. The problem with pornography and masturbation isn't only lust, but that they build towers to the nonhuman. You learn to love a knockoff of the real thing. You get too comfortable with yourself and your individualism. When you finally face a real person, you become shocked by how much is demanded of you, how much more difficult and vulnerable a real relationship and real sex can be.

Some people "do" sex like they "do" lunch and see it stemming from the same animal appetite. Sex is first reduced to biological instinct, then to a mechanical and inhumane act. Pills, tackle, and textbooks clutter the bed beyond recognition. The headlines are "multiple orgasms" and "simultaneous orgasm." Sex becomes scientific; the how-to's of orgasm, suddenly paramount. Behind it all, there's a sadness. There is no truly happy "savvy bachelor." Read the magazines they read. They are good only at making money and entertaining themselves, and everything and everyone falls into one of these two categories.

Playboy magazine epitomizes the savvy bachelor. He is charming and elegant, emotionally detached from the women he beds. After intercourse, he makes a post-coital martini and goes to sleep next to a passed-out bunny. In the morning he is miffed that she wants to eat breakfast, talk, stay.

By pretending that sex is emotionally and morally no-strings-attached, a person becomes an emotional prude. He uses sex to escape the commitment and vulnerability required in a genuine relationship. But when sex is severed from affection, marital jealousy, commitment, and the family, it becomes boring. Our savvy bachelor might have all the sex ...

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Are Men Emotional Prudes?
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February 2013

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