The Lies We Listen To

I was in fifth grade when one morning I came down to breakfast and my mommy told me, “Your daddy moved out last night. He loves you and will always be your daddy.” I asked why, but there was no answer good enough. I lowered my head and wept, and I felt my self-worth drain from my being. The message that replaced it was I am not worthy of being loved.

Researcher and storyteller Brené Brown has spent her career studying shame, vulnerability, and wholeheartedness. In her book Daring Greatly, she describes shame as “the fear of disconnection” and “real pain.” At its heart, shame is a fear that our failures, our shortcomings, our true selves make us unworthy of connection. The core lie of shame is I am not enough.

Shame whispers lies into our souls about who we are in our spirits. It immobilizes us with fear of exposure. It causes us to retreat further into ourselves or strike out against the perceived accusers. In the end, we remain unknown and disconnected. Shame is insidious. It hits at the core of our being and emanates from there to affect everything else. It has nothing to do with the truth. It is based on lies about the essence of our being. We have taken in the lies from too many voices to count. The voices have driven lies deep into the pits of our souls and drowned out the voice of the One who created us. The voice of the One who says, “I love you.”

Lisa Sharon Harper is the author of The Very Good Gospel: How Everything Wrong Can Be Made Right along with several other books. A sought-after speaker, she is also the chief church engagement officer at Sojourners. Content excerpted from The Very Good Gospel by Lisa Sharon Harper Copyright © 2016 by Lisa Sharon Harper. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.