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New Year's Eve Our rating: Your rating: 1 2 3 4 Your Comments: see all MPAA rating: PG-13 (for language including some sexual references) Genre: Comedy, Romance Theater release: December 09, 2011 by New Line Cinema Directed by: Garry Marshall Runtime: 1 hour 57 minutes Cast: Halle Berry (Nurse Aimee), Jon Bon Jovi (Jensen), Robert De Niro (Harry), Jessica Biel (Tess), Abigail Breslin (Hailey), Josh Duhamel (Sam), Michell Pfeiffer (Ingrid), Ashton Kutcher (Randy), Lea Michele (Elise), Hilary Swank (Claire Morgan), Zac Efron (Paul), Sarah Jessica Parker (Kate), Seth Meyers (Griffin), Katherine Heigl (Laura) Related: Talk About It/Family Corner

You know those clown cars in the circus? They're usually a little Volkswagen bug that brightly dressed clowns climb out of one by one while you watch amazed that so many people could fit into one little car. Once they're all out in the circus ring, the clowns typically run around mugging for the audience, occasionally bumping into each other, and then drive off in a haze of chaos and laughter.

New Year's Eve feels kinda like that.

In case you haven't noticed the overflowing cast list to the right, take a gander. And that's only the beginning; others you'll no doubt recognize include Sarah Paulson, Sofia Vergara, Ludacris, Alyssa Milano, Cary Elwes, Carla Cugino, Jim Belushi, Cherry Jones, Larry Miller, Common, Sienna Miller, Ryan Seacrest, Til Schweiger, Yeardley Smith, and Hector Elizondo. As one of the characters put it, there are more stars than at rehab.

We watch this cavalcade of actors in and around New York City in the hours leading up to New Year's Eve. The opening voice-over sets the scene: "Some people say there's no beauty left in the world. But how do you explain the whole world coming together on New Year's Eve to celebrate hope?" (By the way, your reaction to this line—either sweet agreement or snarky eye-rolling—is a great indicator of how you'll feel about the film.)

Katherine Heigl as Laura, Jon Bon Jovi as Jensen

So how do these countless characters gather for said celebration?

Chef Laura (Katherine Heigl) is sweating over her biggest catering job ever—the NYE party for a successful record label. Jensen (Jon Bon Jovi), a mega music talent, manages to perform both at that fete and at the Times Square ball drop on national television—all while trying to win back the woman he jilted about a year before. Claire Morgan (Hilary Swank) is overseeing the ball drop and its (surprise!) complications before making a secret midnight commitment. High schooler Hailey (Abigail Breslin) wants to be at the Times Square festivities to hopefully land a first kiss from her crush, but her single mom Kate (Sarah Jessica Parker) has her sights set on a meaningful mother-daughter night at home.

Meanwhile, Elise (Lea Michele), an aspiring star who's supposed to be singing backup for Jensen at Times Square, and Randy (Ashton Kutcher), an NYE hater, get stuck in an elevator together. Tess (Jessica Biel) and Griffin (Seth Meyers) are about to give birth—and get sucked into a competition with James (Til Schweiger) and Grace (Sarah Paulson) for the hospital's $25,000 prize for the first baby born in 2012. Frumpy loner Ingrid (Michele Pfeiffer) hires ladies' man courier Paul (Zac Efron) for the day to help her cross stuff off her bucket list before midnight.

Robert De Niro as Harry, Halle Berry as Aimee

We're not done yet.

Harry (Robert De Niro), a grizzled old man dying in a hospital bed with kindly nurse Aimee (Halle Berry) at his side, is just hoping to see the ball drop one more time. And last but not least, tuxedoed Sam (Josh Duhamel) has car problems in a small town and has to hitch a ride with a pastor's family in an RV to get back to New York in time to give an important speech.

All in just under two hours.

If you do the math (eight "major" plot lines in 117 minutes means just a little over 14 minutes per story—and that doesn't account for the intro and sub-plots), you realize the problem: None of the characters or story lines gets explored with any kind of depth. It feels like a bunch of underdeveloped TV sitcom ideas strung together by likable stars.

And it would almost work if there were just more creativity and honesty here. I mean, this is a world where Michele Pfeiffer is a frumpy loner, where a group of teen girls talk about learning how to kiss from an Internet video, where courier Paul zips around New York City on New Year's Eve as if 9/11—let alone crowds—never happened, and where the only actor who plays himself is Ryan Seacrest.

Seth Meyers as Griffin, Jessica Biel as Tess

New Year's Eve reunites director Garry Marshall and screenwriter Katherine Fugate from last year's holiday-themed rom-com Valentine's Day. It's pretty much the same formula—tons of stars, lots of small, interlacing stories, and an idealistic, syrupy depiction of love. You've got to wonder what holiday they're eyeing for next year. Labor Day? St. Patrick's Day? Hanukkah?

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