Laughing at the Sexual Abuse of Boys?
In recent days, I have twice seen a television trailer for That's My Boy, a new movie featuring the dubious pairing of Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg, both of Saturday Night Live fame. Embedded in the storyline is the premise that Sandler's character was seduced by his teacher as a young teenager. The result was a pregnancy—followed by high-fives for the 13-year-old father in the courtroom during the teacher's trial—and the birth of their child, played by Samberg. The father, whom Samberg's character calls "basically the worst parent ever," tries to reconnect with his son when he needs money.
I don't anticipate much redeeming value in this movie, and I don't plan to see it. But the trailer caught my attention because of its casual suggestion that the sexual abuse of boys is funny.
Such a depiction of sexual contact between adult women and boys is not unusual. As one recent story points out, myths and stereotypes frequently distort our view of boys who are sexually abused by adult women. Many assume that such contact is every boy's dream, that boys want to be seduced, and that such an experience is somehow a sexual conquest for the victim. Thus, we seem far less troubled when adult women abuse boys than when men abuse girls.
The reality is, all such cases involve the sexual exploitation of children, regardless of gender. Like other sex crimes, sexual abuse is an act of violence and power, not an act of love or even desire. The child experiencing abuse is not a victor; he is a victim.
Both in and outside the church, in recent decades we have become much more open in discussing the prevalence and effects of sexual abuse. But the abuse of boys by adult women remains largely hidden and is often waved away by not only popular culture, but even by those charged with protecting the abused. Research indicates that one in six boys is sexually abused before age 18. Such abuse happens at the hands of both men and women. Experts claim sexual abuse of boys is an underreported crime—and among the factors that discourage reporting are the stereotypes that say abused boys should enjoy sex with older women and should believe they've made a conquest.
As with girls, sexual abuse has a devastating effect on boys. According to the American Psychological Association, both male and female survivors of child sexual abuse often suffer depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, alcoholism, drug abuse, anxiety attacks, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Prolific Christian writer Cecil Murphey focused on this topic in his book When a Man You Love Was Abused. Murphey, who was sexually abused by a female relative, has invited other men to share their stories on his blog, Shattering the Silence. A read through these men's posts quickly shatters the myth that sexual abuse of boys is a welcome and confidence-building experience.
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John
This is just another piece of 'feminist' nonsense. Full of sanctimonious pretensions to 'morality'. Nonsense.
Alicia
My late father-in-law used to say: 'Just because you have the matches doesn't mean you know how to start a fire'. I have always taught my now adult children and all the youth I've ever had the privilege to serve, that just because we have all the equipment does not make us wise users. While the body might be ready, the mind of a teenager cannot comprehend the implications of intimacy, and the resulting confusion turns into behavioral responses. No one has the right to do that to any child!
Mark
After reading this article and the comments, I can only conclude that women (or maybe it's just evangelical women) don't understand teenage boys. When a 19 year old female class room assistant is accused of "abusing" a 15 year old boy/man who persued her, it shows that the legal system doesn't understand teenage boys either. I left school at 15 and held down a job - I was a man, not a little girl. Yes, there is far to much sexualisation of minors - but some 24 or 15 year old boys ate 6 " tall jocks with deep voices, hairy chests, and sexual obsessions with older women. They are men.
Mike Stidham
I met a fellow once who told me he had gotten involved in such a relationship with a teacher while he was in college. Even though he was an adult at the time the situation occurred, it still left emotional damage on him. The problem, as another commenter stated, is not necessarily the age difference, but the power dynamic and emotional exploitation. The fact that many of the victims are not mature enough to deal with the emotional issues only adds another layer of issues on the problem.
Kathi Vande Guchte
I'll pose this question to those struggling with the validity of abused teen boys: If it was your son, nephew, or grandson and you knew him before and after the abuse, would you feel the same way? Another question: What are you basing your assumptions on: boys you knew when you were a 13 y.o. girl or how society/Hollywood depicts 13 y.o. boys?
Marta Layton
While I was thankful to see a post on such an important topic (thanks, Amy!) I found myself a little put off by all the talk of innocence. It seems to assume that once a person loses that innocence (which we all do at some point that they can no longer be abused). Say I was at a party and badly drunk, and some guy had sex with me when I was unable to consent to it. (Not that I'm ever in situations like this, but just supposing.) In that circumstance I could hardly be described as innocent; I after all chose to drink and make myself vulnerable like that. But the guy who slept with me would still have harmed me horribly, and saying I was partly to blame would be counterproductive and harmful to put it mildly. Abuse isn't about taking away innocence so much as using someone else and taking away their dignity as a child of God. Child abuse often also involves the sacrifice of innocence, but there's more to it than that. This makes good sense of the instinct we all have that many thirteen year old boys are hormonally driven to want sex with any willing partner. They may not be innocent (the desire for the thing suggests they aren't innocent in at least some regards), but when the partner is an adult there's still a sense that the adult is taking away something from the child they shouldn't. Whether they want it or not, 13yo's aren't ready for sex - and the adults we trust them to know this, or should for shame.
HEATHER SCHOPP
"boys are not victimizers in waiting"--that sums it up. indeed they are not. they, like girls, are created in the image of God, of infinite value. they are precious. our society--sadly, the church culture included (where i have experienced it anyway)--sets our boys up to be sexually promiscuous. there is a prevailing assumption that boys will be boys by "sowing their wild oats," if not physically then certainly mentally--that they are simply not programmed to be mentally and physically faithful to one woman. and then we further perpetuate this myth with all kinds of derogatory terms for the promiscuous female, yet none for the male--implying many negative ideas, one of them being that the promiscuous male is not all those negative things, but that is his normal state. and from here it is only a natural progression to assume that a young boy is not so much a victim in sexual abuse as a young girl--because isn't this what he really wants anyway? isn't that the natural path for a male? so very sad. (to be clear--i'm not saying a boy who is abused is promiscuous; i'm drawing the conclusion that much of why sexual abuse of a boy is considered less serious and damaging than sexual abuse of a girl is because of our faulty cultural stereotypes of male and female sexuality)
William Brewer
Framing the question in terms of "sexual abuse" would appear to be a rhetorical move to avoid the use of "sin" and guarantee a "no" answer. . . . smart moves in some circumstances I would think. But pubescent boys don't fantasize about being abused. They do, however, fantasize about sex with attractive females, young or old. Framing the latter as abuse is wise, especially from a legal standpoint. But elsewhere, it can come across as manipulative. Did Potiphar's wife "sexually abuse" Joseph? Joseph didn't understand her proposition that way? "Is sexual abuse funny?" Of course not. But is sin tempting? Is it funny? Definitely and therein lies much of its power. billb historeo.com
Tim
Jane (June 18, 2012 12:39 PM), loved this: "I don't know what I would do. It wouldn't be good anyway." Me too. And as for changing the roles to adult male/female teenager, I think that's Nabokov's "Lolita". It's not a pretty story from what I gather. Tim
JANE HINRICHS
I'm so glad you wrote a post on this Amy. Every time I see a commercial for this movie I think (or sometimes say if my husband is in the room): there is no way they would have gotten away with doing a movie about an adult male and female teenager -- no way. Why do they find this funny when it is reversed? If one of my sons were molested by an adult female in their lives, I would ....I don't know what I would do. It wouldn't be good anyway.
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