For biblical leadership to work properly in the family, the husband must be willing to take the leadership and the wife must be willing to let him have it. My husband Hale is an easy person for me to yield to as head of our home. He exemplifies the gentleness, goodness, and humility of Christ. While it hasn’t always been easy for me to agree with his decisions, he has not been a heavy-handed authority figure handing down ultimatums. This is how I have responded to his headship.
Hale and I have varying tastes in music, literature, hobbies, home decorating—and even in Christmas trees. He doesn’t like Christmas trees, and wouldn’t care if we never put one up. My family always had real trees that scraped the ceiling and filled the house with their fragrance. The conflict came when we were given an artificial tree as a wedding present.
For the first several years we had more than just a “discussion” on real versus artificial trees. Finally, my husband said he didn’t want to hear about it any more. So, during some years when the children were temptable babes, we didn’t put up any tree; the rest of the time I have had to be satisfied with an artificial tree, with no mention of a real one at all.
Last Christmas Hale asked me if I would like to have a real tree, since my sister, brother-in-law, and their children would be joining us. As missionaries on board ship, they have no access to any trees—let alone live ones. The incident illustrates that when I have “given up” to his leadership, and been willing to put aside my own desires, he has met me halfway.
Another area of tension has been in raising our children. The hardest decision was whether we should send our daughter to school as a five-year-old or wait, and whether it should be to public or Christian school. Although I agreed in theory with my husband, it was hard for me to send her to public school. I am deeply concerned about humanism, materialism, and undermining of parental authority, and I wanted her “protected” by a loving Christian environment. Hale thinks it is better to let the child be exposed to problems, then deal with them as they arise. So she went to public school; but it took me a few months to get my attitude right.
We try to present a solid front when it comes to discipline. When we take different approaches, we sit down and discuss why our actions aren’t effective. We refer to books to gain insight, and we reach agreement before we finish.
Hale is interested in our home life and is actively involved in making decisions. I am glad he enjoys doing so, even though this brings some differences. For example, we live in an older home that we ourselves have been remodeling. Our tastes and ideas—even in color schemes—are extremely different. Yet this is not my home, but our home. I want him to share in these decisions so he will feel the same way. Sometimes, however, as in the case of the living room ceiling, I am adamant: no acoustical tile! But we talk things over and such a decision usually involves a compromise.
Fortunately, in the realm of finances we rarely disagree. We look at all we have—both money and material possessions—as from the Lord. At the beginning of each new year we plan first where to put our money for the Lord’s work, and then how to budget the rest. We discuss all major purchases and many minor ones.
Concerning Hale’s spiritual leadership, he exercises his headship by showing the family his priorities: family devotions; his daily conversation in the home. Every morning at 6:15 the alarm goes off, and he gets up for his time with the Lord. Sometimes I join him. I want to do it more often, but frequently I wait for “Captain Kangaroo” or our toddler’s nap time. Hale’s example is a constant challenge to me, even though I don’t always rise to the occasion.
I’m glad for my husband’s headship in our home, and for the way he exercises it. I am especially thankful for his relationship to God. I appreciate so much the Lord’s (and my husband’s) patience with me in waiting until my inward attitude matches my outward acquiescence. For myself, I know there is no substitute for the peace and security of having a biblically ordered home.
MOLLY JOHNSON1Mrs. Johnson, former missionary to Indonesia, now lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
