Well, what do you think Alf would say?” At that, my clergy associates around the kitchen table were silent. We had been discussing a particularly knotty problem with little success, when suddenly its answer seemed clear to all of us who had known Alf.
In your case, “Alf” could be anyone who has been an effective role model. In our case, Alf is Alfred Stanway, a retired Anglican bishop who came to the United States from Australia in the 1970s to establish a new Episcopal seminary. When he arrived, there was no school, property, faculty, curriculum, student body, or library—nothing, in fact, apart from an idea with considerable support. Today the school is a thriving, evangelically oriented institution in Ambridge, Pennsylvania, known as Trinity Episcopal School for Ministry.
For four years my wife, Susan, and I lived across the street from Alf and Marjory Stanway. They were just good friends then, but we realize now that they exerted a tremendous influence upon us and others. Alf was gifted with enormous leadership abilities. But it was not his extraordinary leadership that left its mark on us. It was, rather, the daily example of his life. Abrupt and plain spoken, Alf’s pithy sayings on preaching still come to mind whenever I prepare a sermon: “If you don’t strike oil in the first five minutes … stop boring.” Or, “Start slow, speak slow. Rise higher, catch fire.” Other aphorisms continue to provide reminders to my family: “Prayer, care, and you’re there,” and “A little faith, and a great God, is enough.”
At a personal level, Alf and Marjory’s relationship as husband and wife taught us more about marriage than all the books on the subject ever could. Their disciplined walk with God provided us with a model of true piety and taught us about the hazards of taking ourselves too seriously. By their example, the Stanways challenged us to develop a bigger vision of God. They demonstrated remarkable simplicity in prayer, and they taught us the value of establishing regular habits.
Alf and Marjory are back in Australia now. But their influence convinced me that we never outgrow the need for role models—people who set an example that, in turn, enables us to live life and serve God more effectively and wisely.
Remember Your Leaders
Modeling is not new; it is one way in which God has always worked to provide specific guidance. Examples of modeling abound in Scripture. Joshua looked up to Moses; Elisha had Elijah; Samuel had Eli—a negative model, both as a priest and a parent. In the New Testament, Mary had Elizabeth as a role model, and Timothy had Paul.
Over and over, the Bible tells us to remember good examples and forget poor ones. “Be imitators of me just as I also am of Christ,” Paul told the Corinthians (1 Cor. 11:1). Older women should be models to younger women, according to Titus 2:3–5. “A pupil … will be like his teacher,” Jesus said, in Luke 6:40. Hebrews 13:7 tells believers to “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”
Models are not the only means God uses to speak to us, however, and they can be fallible. They do not replace the leading of God in our lives, but they help inform and direct our response to him. Recently my church faced a major decision about purchasing property and beginning a building program. Another senior pastor, one of my models, had dealt with a similar situation, and so I spent an afternoon with him seeking his counsel. He offered direct and firm advice—but in this instance, it was direct and firm advice I could not accept. We continually must sort out and test how God is guiding us.
Becoming A Model
Most of us are shaped and directed more than we realize by the models God has given us. Likewise, we need to be aware of ways in which we serve as models for others. There are people around me all the time who size me up as a Christian man, father, husband, pastor, teacher, and neighbor. My character is on display.
My wife and I receive calls and letters regularly from friends we have influenced, wanting to bounce ideas off us or just asking our advice. Often, these are people we have simply befriended, as Alf and Marjory befriended us. We did not set out to “disciple” them. But we became models to them nonetheless, and shaped their approach to ministry. When modeling becomes deliberate, and the role model takes on a closer relationship with a younger brother or sister in Christ, it becomes a more purposeful ministry of discipling. Training may be deliberate, but modeling is simply setting an example, consciously or unconsciously.
What would Alf say about this? Not much, I imagine. It is likely that he would simply point out the need for each of us to take time to be with the people whom God brings into our lives and for whom we sense a special affection. Alf made a special effort to do this for me by inviting me over for tea every Friday afternoon. One of the things he modeled best was how to be a model. He lived the words Paul wrote to Timothy (2 Tim 2:2): “And the things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust to reliable men who will be qualified to teach others.”
John W. Yates II has been the rector of The Falls Church (Episcopal) in Falls Church, Virginia, since 1979. He is the author of For the Life of the Family (Morehouse-Barlow, 1987).
