Constructive Church Conflict
Preaching about Conflict in the Local Church by William H. Willimon, Westminster, $8.95
Reviewed by Roger Thompson, pastor, Trinity Baptist Church, Wheat Ridge, Colorado
William H. Willimon has some good news and bad news. The bad news is that churches will always have problems, and conflict is one of them. The good news is that the active energy of a congregation in conflict is far superior to death. “While conflict may not always be pleasant,” he writes, “the alternatives are rather stark.”
Recognizing that “few of us pastors entered the ministry out of a love of conflict,” Willimon seeks to detoxify the atmosphere in which most of us live. “If we didn’t really care about one another and the faith, there would be no conflict. The person who wonders why the meetings of his or her book club are more placid than those of the branch office of the kingdom of God need only measure what is at stake to understand why church fights are so fierce.”
Although the book’s title focuses on the role of preaching in a conflict situation, Willimon puts that task in the overall context of how to handle disagreements.
Biblically, rationally, emotionally, Willimon reshapes our image of church conflict and its causes. Pastoring through conflict is elevated to an art form, a spiritual discipline, a calling from God rather than a hassle that robs our time. Willimon’s upbeat, “can-do” spirit is shown by his opinion that churches generally overstate their inability to handle conflict: “I can think of many more cases where a church was strengthened by crisis than destroyed by it.”
Willimon is no stranger to the local church. He has pastored several churches and now serves at Duke University as minister to the university. He explained part of his reason for writing the book in an interview: “I was nurtured in the protest movements of the sixties and felt well acquainted with positive conflict. When I moved into ministry in the church, however, I found myself saying, ‘I don’t mind important conflicts, but all these little, stupid conflicts over things like the color of carpet just aren’t worth my time.’ “
The book has four core chapters:
1. What’s Going On Here? When the congregation is in conflict, Willimon says the pastor has only two options: ignore the situation or intervene. Ignoring conflict won’t solve anything, but neither will untimely confrontation. Encouraging what he calls “creative avoidance,” Willimon maps out a method of choosing the time and place to do battle. Only after assessing the nature of the conflict and the individuals involved is the pastor ready to act.
2. To Speak or Not to Speak? Willimon says preaching is “not the only or necessarily the most effective pastoral response, because the nature of the conflict will determine whether or not preaching should be used.” Some pastors underinvest in preaching, he says. Every other activity of pastoral care takes precedence. On the other extreme are those who overinvest in preaching. The myth is that telling is changing; the magical implantation of right ideas will solve every perversity of mankind.
“No magic formula . . . will enable preaching to be the key to successful resolution of congregational problems,” Willimon writes. “Preaching provides no ‘quick fix’ for conflict, because there is no substitute for committed, patient long-term pastoral work before and after the pastor stands up to preach.”
3. The Pastor Who Is Prophet. Pastors at their best can bring a newness to the conflict discussion, says Willimon. False perceptions and value systems will be exposed by articulating the issue in fresh, biblical terms.
“Prophetic preaching begins with criticism,” Willimon writes. “The criticism emerges first out of grief-the recognition that things are not right.” When this criticism, however gentle, is brought to the congregation, there is “an inevitable distancing of pastor from the congregation.” Willimon counsels that we should not be surprised if there is loneliness or isolation in the midst of crisis. It is intrinsic to the prophetic role.
The task of preaching prophetically is a heavy one. Private struggle with the implications of the tension, however, can infuse the delivery with compassion. And this preaching of the chastened and humbled prophet may not speak only to the people, but for them as well. “When this happens, the people sit up and listen because the voice they hear is their own.”
4. How Shall I Preach? The preacher is not the answer-giver in the conflict situation, Willimon says, but rather the one who urges a continuing spiritual search within the crisis.
There is no occasion when the preacher’s own motives must be so well understood and examined as when speaking out of this kind of tension. Willimon tells of a time of conflict when he wrote one judgmental sermon in his mind, then thought better of it and chose instead to place himself in the congregation, listening to the words of Jesus with them.
Yet, if there is a summary message to pastors who question their role in the conflict crisis, it is that they must lead. They must not allow themselves or their churches to be ground down because they lack the strength to wade into the conflict. The goal of preaching about conflict is to address the struggle directly, biblically, and compassionately. “It is never enough that the sermon be generally true,” Willimon writes. “Rather, it must be recognizably true for these people in the time of crisis.”
When Conception Is a Crisis
Counseling for Unplanned Pregnancy and Infertility by Everett L. Worthington, Jr., Word, $12.95
Reviewed by Nancy D. Becker, pastor, Ogden Dunes Community Church, Portage, Indiana
Sharon is 14 years old, unmarried, and pregnant. Although young and fearful, she decides to have the baby. When she tells her parents of her decision, they take her to a counselor. “You have to talk some sense into Sharon,” demands her father.
Clint and Ann are both 49. Ann had begun to show signs of menopause, so they had discontinued birth control measures. When Ann discovered she was pregnant, she was fearful about the likelihood of birth defects. The birth was long and difficult, and the child died shortly after delivery. In despair, Ann went to her pastor. “Why did we have to go through this terrible ordeal for nothing?” she cried.
Two pregnancies-one that comes too soon, one that comes too late. Both present challenges to the counselor who is called on to help.
This book, the latest volume in Word’s Resources for Christian Counseling series, is a helpful tool for a pastoral counselor who is called on to guide a woman or a family through a pregnancy crisis.
Although the title indicates that the treatment of infertility is given equal weight in the book, the subject is actually limited to one short chapter. The author points out that little research has been done on counseling infertile couples, and he does a good job summarizing the emotional stages such a couple typically goes through.
Worthington is a psychologist with ten years of private practice specializing in marriage and family counseling, yet he describes himself as “an academic.” It’s a good combination. His insights, his deep understanding of people under stress, and his knowledge of recent and classic research make this book a useful overview.
Many different counseling situations are touched upon. The chapter on premarital pregnancy, for example, includes pointers on the transition to parenthood. His discussion of pregnancy during cohabitation includes an examination of the moral and social issues raised by the couple’s living arrangement.
Worthington believes the whole family should be included in pregnancy crisis counseling rather than just the woman. His treatment of family-centered counseling and family dynamics in a crisis is one of the most instructive chapters of the book. Worthington describes three factors that increase stress in crisis pregnancies.
The first factor is the amount of disruption caused in the family’s time schedules, which can affect the way family members meet their individual needs for intimacy and distance. Anna and Mark, for example, became pregnant when they were both in their late forties. When the baby was born, they and their previously well-adjusted 14-year-old son had to adapt to greater demands on their time, a decline in family intimacy, and the curtailment of outside social contacts.
The second stress-producing factor is the number of new decisions in which family members disagree. Disagreements are often based on unconscious, untested assumptions about how families are “supposed to” operate. If a couple disagrees, for example, about some aspect of child rearing, “the discussion passes in a neat progression from the honey-sweetie stage to the poignant discussion about whether the mother-in-law wears combat boots.”
The third factor is instability in the family power structure, forcing an overt or covert renegotiation of the family decision-making process. “When family members disagree there is usually a power struggle, in which everyone spends energy rehearsing conversations in their minds and everyone feels as if his or her basic rights are being violated.”
Worthington also deals with the problem of adolescent pregnancy. He provides insight into the mind of an adolescent: “Just because an adult might view the decision to engage in sexual intercourse outside marriage as a moral decision does not mean an adolescent will define it that way. Often the popular media have portrayed sex outside marriage not as a moral decision, but as a lifestyle decision. … School systems, sensitive to the charge that they are promoting religious or moral values, have defined sexual decisions as amoral lifestyle decisions, or, at best, moral decisions that depend on each individual’s moral standards.”
Worthington suggests pastors and parents preplan a strategy with teens that involves the following: (1) increasing their awareness of the values of parents, pastors, and peers that support chastity; (2) consciously turning their attention to the long-term risks and dangers associated with premarital intercourse; and (3) helping them learn to interrupt the sequence of events in high-intensity dating situations so they don’t lead toward the emotion-charged decisions that can result in premarital pregnancy.
Faced with a pregnant adolescent, the counselor will be called on to provide “Advice, Acceptance, and Absolution,” says Worthington.
First, the counselor is in a position to help her think about factors she may not have considered, such as the likelihood that her parents will be supportive once they’re over the initial shock, or the long-term negative effects of abortion.
Second, when a pregnant adolescent includes a counselor in her decision making, she needs and wants the counselor’s acceptance of her as a person in spite of her condition. To launch into a moral lecture would most likely prevent the girl from confiding in the counselor any further.
At the deepest level, the girl needs the forgiveness and absolution that follow repentance and confession. Worthington advises the counselor not to be the “hammer of the Holy Spirit,” but rather “the vessel of the Holy Spirit for love and acceptance” until the girl is ready to confess and repent.
This relatively brief book contains a whole library of help for dealing with many of the transitions and crisis situations people are likely to bring to their pastor, written by a sensitive and experienced guide to the human condition.
Living with the Legal System
Church Law by Michael J. Woodruff, James M. Smart, Jr., Robert C. Londerholm, Dennis D. Palmer, Eugene T. Hackler and Kenneth E. Peery, B & E Video Productions, $200
Reviewed by Jim Stobaugh, pastor, Fourth Presbyterian Church, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Gone are the days when pastors and churches were immune from lawsuits. As Kenneth R. Barton, director of the six-part videotaped seminar Church Law observes, “A growing population of Americans are recognizing that the church is a wealthy, vulnerable target-a two-column, four-inch entry/target in any Yellow Pages directory.”
Therefore, if we want to remain pastors and at the same time avoid paranoia, we need to understand the effect of law upon the church. We have to know the current legal climate as well as we know systematic theology. Although the latest in biblical exegesis may be more interesting, Nally vs. Grace Community Church may have a greater impact on our work.
To that end, B & E Video Productions (4343 N.E. Kelsey Rd., Kansas City, MO 64116) offers this series. Recorded April 10, 1987, at a seminar in Kansas City, six competent attorneys lecture on significant court rulings and statutes.
The seminar was sponsored by the Heart of America Christian Justice Center, a nonprofit organization committed to education, research, and action. Founded by Lynn Buzzard, the former head of the Christian Legal Society, Heart of America is committed to biblical principles of reconciliation.
“The fact is, though,” said Kenneth Peery, executive director of the Center, in an interview, “most of American society does not follow Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 6. So it behooves us all to know our law.”
While unabashedly conservative in its theological assumptions, the legal instruction in these tapes is helpful for pastors of all stripes. Like my grandfather slowly unpacking his fishing equipment, these six attorneys slowly, methodically unpack their wares. I never felt patronized-and that’s something for this reviewer to say. I thought tort was something my wife bakes with apples and cinnamon!
Tape 1 is presented by Michael J. Woodruff, director of the Center for Law and Religious Freedom in Washington, D.C. He begins by defining a clergy person. He argues that the real test is functional: are clergy really functioning as clergy? Are they involved in worship? Clergy definitions are critical when tax season comes, as any ordained youth pastor or Christian education director knows. It may also be important when considering liability in counseling.
At the same time, Woodruff warns the pastor about confidential communications in counseling. Normally a conversation with a clergy person is privileged and confidential-unless it’s communicated to a pastor in the presence of a third person. In tape 6 Woodruff warns that confidentiality is especially difficult in marriage counseling. For the protection of the pastor, he suggests that we disavow any confidentiality, at least between spouses.
Confidentiality is a critical issue in the face of current court cases. For example, based on most state laws, child abuse must be reported to authorities no matter how the information is gathered. To neglect to do so may be a criminal offense.
Tape 2, “Avoiding Pastor Liabilities,” is presented by James M. Smart, a Kansas City lawyer. He develops the subject of negligence as defined by the courts. A church may be liable, for instance, if a child drowns at its annual picnic.
The most helpful advice is Smart’s discussion of incorporation. The purpose of corporation law is to allow certain entities (e.g., a church) to operate with limited exposure to liability. A corporation is generally liable only to the extent of its assets. Unincorporated associations, on the other hand, offer less protection for their members, because each individual member can be sued. Smart caused me to check our church by-laws!
Malpractice is explored by Robert C. Londerholm, a Kansas attorney, in tape 3. Using the Nally case, Londerholm defines malpractice as “failure to exercise an accepted degree of skill in the performance of professional duties that results in injury to another.”
“Fair enough when applied to doctors, lawyers, and psychologists,” Londerholm argues. “But what are the criteria for measuring the skill of a pastor? Clergy have been doing counseling for centuries. Have we retreated so far that only trained secular professionals can counsel?” Londerholm concludes by suggesting that pastors should not hesitate to do whatever counseling is necessary. I’m not so sure. I prefer Woodruffs advice: refer if in any doubt of competence, and in any event, warn counselees of your own limitations.
Other tapes discuss hiring and firing employees, tax laws, and how to get tax exemptions for church property.
I recommend this videotape collection with some reservations. Much of the information in these tapes can be obtained in print at lower cost. But such publications are often difficult to understand or not generally available, so these six tapes are a convenient and interesting way to be introduced to a vital subject. Perhaps several pastors might pool resources to get a set, or denominational judicatories could provide them for their churches.
New and Noteworthy
Reaching Out to Troubled Youth by Dwight Spotts and David Veerman, Victor, $12.95
Statistics show that most faith commitments to Christ occur in the teenage years. Clearly, the church dare not ignore its youth. But what about the troubled ones-the 15-year-old pregnant out of wedlock? The 17-year-old abusing drugs? Two staffers with Youth for Christ/USA-Dwight Spotts, national Youth Guidance director, and David Veerman, national Campus Life director-have written a handbook that gives solid guidelines for ministering to troubled teenagers. Among the questions addressed in this guide: “What do I do with a kid who is out of control? How involved should I get with families? What about special problems like drug abuse, homosexuality, or child abuse?”
Using Scripture, proven counseling strategies, and case studies, Spotts and Veerman answer these and other questions. Full of attractive bold lettering, easy-to-read columns, and a full bibliography and appendix, Reaching Out leads the reader through dozens of difficult youth problems.
Making Ethical Decisions by Louis B. Weeks, Westminster, $8.95
Ethics, one of those intimidating electives most seminarians succeed in avoiding, has rarely been so appealing. Beginning each chapter with scriptural exegesis, Louis Weeks assiduously addresses such timeless pastoral questions as “How do I choose? How shall I live? How shall I grow? What shall I do?” This apparent simplicity, if disarming, is misleading. In fact, by weaving a case study throughout the book, Weeks entices the reader into dilemmas and ethical questions pastors normally avoid. This is the sort of book one wishes he had read in a seminary practical theology course.
Sexual Assault and Abuse by Mary D. Pellauer, Barbara Chester, and Jane Boyajian, Harper & Row, $24.95
Since 20 to 30 percent of females now 12 years old will suffer a violent sexual attack during the remainder of their lives, counseling victims of sexual assault and abuse can no longer be considered an academic exercise. Virtually every pastor and counselor in America will have to minister to these people.
Pellauer, Chester, and Boyajian introduce this topic with candor, courage, and compassion. For example Mary Pellauer says, “It took nearly a year to remember that as a child I had seen battering in my own home.”
This book is a comprehensive collection of essays that introduces clergy and pastoral counselors to the physical, spiritual, and psychological consequences of abuse and assault. The authors are never dispassionate or aloof. The reader feels the pain of the victims. But this is not merely an empathic experience. Pellauer, Chester and Boyajian have edited a thorough discussion of these timely issues.
A Mind for Missions by Paul Borthwick, NavPress, $5.95
Paul Borthwick, minister of missions at Grace Chapel in Lexington, Massachusetts, argues that Americans are under increasing pressure to “seek personal comfort and ease, to look for a self-centered relationship with God.” Therefore, Borthwick observes, American Christians are becoming worldly Christians instead of world Christians. Using ten building blocks, Borthwick offers a way for the believer to become more sensitized to missions. Among these steps are Scripture, current events, prayer, firsthand experience, giving, meeting missionaries, and lifestyle choices.
In this study book, which belongs especially in the hands of many college groups, Borthwick reminds us that Christians have fewer options than they think. Healthy discipleship and growth come only as believers involve themselves in mission.
The Interim Pastor’s Manual by Alan G. Gripe, Geneva, $7.95
At various times, almost every church is served by interim pastors. Alan Gripe, an official with the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), has written this manual for his denomination, but his counsel applies to any church that’s between permanent pastors.
Among topics discussed are pastoral covenants, qualifications, preparation and placement of interims, circumstances that make it desirable for interims to be utilized, the special responsibilities of congregants and pastor during an interim stay, and, finally, equitable contracts and evaluations.
Although the whole book is thorough and effective, one particularly strong section is Gripe’s discussion of concerns that need attention during an interim. These include renewing the spiritual life of a congregation, repairing damage to relationships between congregation and denomination, preparing the congregation for its new pastor, and working out staff problems.
A Christian Guide to Sexual Counseling by Mary Ann Mayo, Zondervan, $16.95
Heresy in church history seems to arise more as excess of a good thing than as introduction of a bad. Mary Mayo, a family counselor, says that in a similar way, our society’s obsession with God’s wonderful gift of sex has robbed the Christian, and American society at large, of its benefits. Therefore, she feels obliged to reclaim healthy sexual attitudes in Part 1 of this book, “Recovering the Mystery.”
Part 2, “Discovering the Reality,” examines how God has made us to be sexual beings. Part 3, “Becoming One Flesh,” orients pastors and Christian counselors as they prepare to counsel couples with sexual difficulties. Finally, Part 4, “Special Concerns in Christian Sexual Counseling,” addresses sexual issues of particular concern to Christian leaders and counselors-homosexuality, adultery, and other aberrant behavior.
It’s refreshing to see sex discussed in the context of moral limits and with candor, good sense, and sound psychology.
Reviewed by James P. Stobaugh
Fourth Presbyterian Church
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Copyright © 1988 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
