To paraphrase Job, pastors are born to criticism like sparks fly upward. When criticized, however, many of us don’t exhibit the patience of Job as much as the defensiveness of a politician under fire. And thus, sometimes we fuel more fires than we douse.
In my ministry I’ve struggled with how to respond to critics. Since it’s in such great supply, I’ve tried to turn criticism into a beneficial resource.
Acknowledge mistakes
When the critics are right, I find it best to admit my mistakes and learn what I can.
A few years ago, some students wanted to teach. I gave them the go-ahead. I have had lots of good ideas in more than a decade of campus ministry, but having unsupervised students prepare and give a Bible talk to fifty or sixty other students was not one of them.
When the time came for the talk of one student, he was so nervous his knees knocked. He did a lousy job. He knew it. I knew it. My student leaders knew it. We all were embarrassed.
They blamed me, and rightfully so. I should have cleared the speakers with my student leaders first, and I should have supervised the fellow’s preparation.
It is best to admit such mistakes and learn my lesson. That way even though the criticism is still painful, I can agree with the critics and let them help me do better in the future.
Remember the whole truth
I’ve learned, however, that most of the time criticism of my work is only partly true. In that case, a different tack is required.
After a recent sermon a woman said, “You sure did talk fast. I could hardly understand you today.” Her words set me on my heels. My natural tendency is to dwell on the criticism and assume everyone felt the same way. Left unchecked, my discouragement soon would have me judge the whole sermon worthless.
But as I thought about it, I realized her criticism wasn’t the whole story. I reminded myself: What’s the whole truth here? The whole truth is that I work hard at my preaching. I may have partly missed today. Maybe I did talk too fast, so I should make a note of it and slow down. But other people did understand me and were helped. That’s a fuller truth.
Get help debriefing
We’ve all been in meetings where several agendas were running simultaneously-some open, some hidden. In the pressure of a public meeting, people can throw out comments that are easily interpreted as criticism. Not knowing whether a comment is critical in the first place requires another strategy.
So, after meetings like that, I generally go to a trusted friend who helps me debrief. We simply ask each other the question, “What happened at the meeting?” For another half hour or so, we review the decisions, statements, and attitudes. What comments were right, wrong, or partly right? The debriefing helps me put all the comments into perspective.
Bless those who persecute you
My former student treasurer didn’t approve of a student board decision to give financial assistance to some summer missions interns. We had three or four spats over this issue. When I went ahead and wrote the check, the treasurer hit the roof. She screamed at me over the phone and hung up. In this case I wasn’t at fault at all, but it still stung, and I still needed to respond to it appropriately.
The next day we were in a meeting together. When she walked into the room, my wife walked over to her, hugged her, and immediately thanked her for all the hard effort she had put into the work this year. Much of her anger dissipated. It took us about two minutes to work through the misunderstanding. Love covers a multitude of criticisms.
After eleven years of campus ministry and involvement in the decision making of my local church, I’m still not used to be being criticized. But I’ve learned to respond better to the criticism that comes my way, and to benefit from it.
-Don Follis
Christian Campus Fellowship
University of Illinois
Urbana, Illinois
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