We had several special visitors with us the night the Vineyard Music Group recorded a live album at our church. Besides the guest musicians and visiting pastor, we had Carol, who hadn’t been able to give her heart fully in worship for more than a year. Not since the day she had been shot and her daughter killed before her eyes by a young man with a temper and a gun.
No one blamed her. Her husband had just returned from a fasting-and-prayer retreat the day his only child was killed. They had put their trust in God. God did not seem trustworthy. Still, Carol remained faithful to a God she did not understand.
The worship service was a bit unusual, as we sang each song several times. One selection, “The Lord Directs My Steps,” caught my attention because of Carol’s troubled expression the first time the worship team sang it for us:
I will trust You all the time
in any situation.
I give all my worries to You.
I know it will be just fine
no matter what You do.
I will be thankful,
so very grateful.
I will be happy I’m with You.
I looked at Carol, and I looked at the words, and I wondered if I would be able to sing them in her situation. Could I be grateful for being with Jesus when he could have rescued my daughter but did not?
The second time through the song, when it was time to join in, her eyes lowered, her head hung low, and her lips did not move.
The group began a third time, thinking they were perfecting a recording, not realizing they were helping to mend frayed faith and tattered trust. This time, Carol’s mouth moved, and tears flowed.
Worship reaches deep, dark places and opens heavy locks on broken hearts. Worship inspires tentative lips to whisper to God, “I will trust You.”
Relentlessly, we sang the testament of trust again. Carol’s eyes closed, her head lifted, and she sang. Not joyfully as some who had never tasted tragedy were singing, but resolutely.
I smiled at Carol and at God, then looked around and thought of all the disappointed believers among us. One had just retrieved his son from a psychiatric hospital. A couple singing sweetly in front of me had reunited after an adulterous affair. Another woman had experienced rejection by her family for confronting her father about abuse. Many in our congregation were forced by faith alone to proclaim, “I will trust You in any situation.”
Next time we sing a chorus “too many times,” I will remember that some are working through doubts and fears for the first few repetitions. It may take time to embrace a song in our hearts.
Linda Riley is director of Called Together Ministries in Torrance, California. In this column, she reflects on the variety of people we meet in ministry.
Lyrics from “You Direct My Steps” by Scott Underwood. 1997 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing. Lyrics appear courtesy of Vineyard Music Group. Worship opens heavy locks on broken hearts.
1998 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or contact us.
