Learning the hard way
On Saturday afternoon I had gone to watch my son play baseball. When I returned my wife said in a panicky tone, “We’ve been trying to find you for an hour and a half. You were supposed to do a wedding this afternoon. Did you forget?”
My heart sank to my feet.
Immediately the rationalizations formed: it was a small wedding, the rehearsal took place several days before the ceremony, I had another wedding that day, it was on a Saturday—my usual day off. But the bottom line was, I forgot the most important event in the life of a couple in our church. There was no valid excuse.
I felt like such a loser. How could I have possibly made such a stupid mistake?
I learned that the wedding had been delayed for a few minutes and an associate minister had substituted for me so that the ceremony could proceed. But I knew I needed to apologize, so I quickly changed into a suit and drove an eternal 10 minutes to the church building, knowing the couple would probably be getting their pictures taken or maybe even be having their reception by now.
On the way, my carnal nature dreamed up a dozen lies: “I had a flat tire” … “I got stopped by a train” … “I had a vision of a 700-foot-high Jesus and was in a trance.” It was the longest, most sickening 10-minute drive of my life.
When I walked into the sanctuary, the couple was posing for pictures. When the bride saw me, she burst out, “Oh, Bob, I’m so glad you’re all right! We were afraid you were in an accident or something! What happened?”
I shook my head and muttered, “I’m sorry. I forgot. I have no excuse. I just blew it. I’m so sorry.”
To their credit, the bride and groom were gracious and forgiving. But I have never really forgiven myself. It’s still embarrassing.
But I learned from that mistake. Until that point, I had been handling my own calendar, making my own appointments, and scheduling all my own weddings and outside invitations. I realized my life had grown beyond my ability to administer on my own. The following Monday I had a long discussion with my secretary and totally surrendered my schedule to her discretion. She doesn’t overbook or overextend. She is able to say “no” better than I, and she leaves some margins in my life.
Now I don’t have two weddings on my day off. Now every Friday I am handed a piece of paper with the schedule of all the activities for the weekend and that schedule is posted in a prominent place in our home.
Though forgetting a wedding was about the worst thing a minister could do, it turned out to be a positive turning point for me. My life is more orderly, I have more free time, and I’ve not missed a wedding in 15 years!
—Robert Russell is minister at Southeast Christian Church 2840 Hikes Lane Louisville KY 40218
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Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
