It started with a simple request: “Will you come and moderate a special business meeting at our church?”
As presbyter for 30 churches in the San Francisco area, I agreed to assist. At the time I did not realize this would plunge me into a conflict that would nearly destroy a congregation.
A year after Bill was called to pastor this church, he wanted to change the by-laws to eliminate the periodic vote of confidence and establish an indefinite term of office for the pastor. He aggressively campaigned for a special congregational meeting to approve the idea.
Some in the congregation felt Bill’s campaigning signified a shift from pastoral leadership to personal agenda. Rather than leading the church, they felt he was driving it. This polarized the congregation. By the date of the meeting, many members—tired of the politicized atmosphere—had already left the church.
Bill had called me because he thought that a neutral party would restrain the hostility and allow the meeting to proceed with a more civil tone. After a bitter debate, Bill’s proposal received a slight majority. I left the meeting saddened by the divisive spirit.
Those who opposed the decision soon left the church. The remainder—bruised and demoralized—continued to dwindle. Income slipped to the point where Bill had to find a part-time job to support his family. Within a year this “pastor for life” resigned. Years later, this once vibrant congregation still struggles to survive.
Whether a church considers a building project, adding a service, or changing the by-laws, decisions often divide. People take sides. In the heat of debate, they often say unpleasant things to each other. Sometimes it takes years to recover.
My experience at Bill’s church painfully reminded me of the times that I, too, had bungled the decision-making process. I look back at the strained relationships and frigid atmospheres to which I contributed, and I question whether winning the decision merited the cost. It doesn’t have to be that way.
In recent years I’ve discovered that the process of making a major decision can actually be unifying and energizing. I’ve found several principles helpful in building that kind of unity.
Teammates wear the same color
The way we make a decision often proves as important as the result achieved, for it affects morale and commitment. Our culture accustoms us to the model of parliamentary debate. Unfortunately, this method usually entrenches individuals in their view as they seek to defend it, to disparage opposing views, and to persuade a majority to join their side.
A quantum shift occurred in my thinking when I realized that the discussion of issues does not have to be adversarial. Instead, it can be a team effort to find the right solution.
A few years ago I came across Edward de Bono’s “six thinking hats” approach to making decisions, and I taught it to the leaders in our church.
Rather than taking sides during discussion, everyone works together at a given time on the same task. The colors of the imaginary hats represent different tasks. These include exploring advantages (yellow), problems (black), feelings (red), and alternatives (green). Because everyone wears the same color hat at the same time, the prevailing mood is cooperation.
Try another stance
Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to keep everyone on the same team, I find one person who persists in antagonism. At times, I’ve caught myself communicating intimidating messages to the dissenters:
“Where’s your faith, anyway?”
“I can’t believe you’re so lacking in spiritual understanding.”
“You’re opposing God’s will! Shame on you.”
I wouldn’t actually say these things, but my attitude was apparent. Threatened by their disagreement, my natural inclination was to silence the opposition.
I have learned to temper this ungodly inclination by putting myself in the place of those who disagree. Will they feel alienated and demoralized? Even if they appear to maintain their prior commitment, will the residue of resentment contaminate the spiritual tone of the congregation?
Paul tells us to “outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom. 12:10). This does not simply refer to those who are spiritually strong or who agree with us. Publicly and privately, I now seek to affirm those who disagree: “You don’t have to agree with every decision we make. Better decisions come about when differing views are presented and prayerfully considered. It’s easier to keep quiet, but we value every opinion. Thank you for speaking up.”
When people feel valued, they will more likely identify with the church, support the decisions made, and be energized to serve God.
Wait for your pitch
A good proposal at the wrong time is a bad idea, but a good proposal at the right time becomes a great idea. Five years ago our board recommended building an addition that would cost nearly two million dollars. Many members questioned the wisdom.
“How can we think of such an expensive project, when we still have a large mortgage on our facility?” one member said.
Another questioned, “Are we spiritually ready for such an undertaking?”
While strongly favoring it, I realized that the proposal was premature and did not push for it. It was tabled. Three years later, when we revisited the idea, many still opposed it. Again we tabled the matter.
During the past two years, we finished paying off the mortgage. The church has experienced growth and the beginning of revival, which has created a conviction that God is at work. This year the proposal passed overwhelmingly. More importantly, members are united and excited about the future.
Decisions don’t always work out so well. A Portuguese-speaking congregation approached us about renting our facilities to hold services on Sunday evenings. I felt that our church should open its doors, and I urged the board to approve.
Since two other ethnic congregations and a preschool were already sharing our building, some board members expressed concern that our facilities would be overtaxed. In this case we could not reach agreement, and the proposal lost by one vote.
Swallowing my disappointment, I remembered to affirm those with whom I disagreed. I sincerely thanked the board for prayerfully and honestly seeking to determine God’s will.
Finding the right moment to prompt a decision can be frustrating. How do we discern when the timing is right? I’ve learned to look for two factors in timing a decision.
First, are the opinion leaders, to whom people look for direction, in favor? If a significant number are opposed, we proceed at our own folly. We act wisely in first gaining their support.
Sometime after the mortgage was paid off, several leaders approached me. “When are we going to reconsider the building project?” Instead of being pushed, they were now pulling me!
Second, do substantial obstacles still exist, or have the issues been adequately addressed? The fact, for example, that the mortgage was fully paid and a viable plan existed for funding the project eliminated the financing objection. Satisfactory answers to nagging questions and solutions to past problems gave the proposal credibility and defused opposition.
The ready position
As pastor, I challenge the church to move forward. For years, however, I hadn’t considered the people’s readiness to engage in the process of making a major decision. From doomed efforts, I learned to asked three questions.
1. Does a climate of mutual trust, appreciation, and caring exist? If not, I need to work at building this spirit. Otherwise, the process of deciding deteriorates into mistrust, antagonism, and division.
I look for positive signs: Do members feel free to share their needs with one another, and do others respond with support, prayer, and practical help? Do they include other members in their circle of friends and enjoy doing things together informally? Instead of referring to “this church,” do they proudly identify it as “our church?”
2. Do the people have an attitude of faith and expectancy that God is at work? If so, they will be more willing to stretch and sacrifice. Building this spiritual environment often involves small steps of faith, steps that build spiritual momentum toward a larger vision.
As they see God working, do they ask, “What does God want us to do next?” Are they stepping out in faith in their own lives to expand their ministry and witness?
3. Are the members growing toward spiritual maturity? Spiritual immaturity includes a weak commitment to biblical values, the priority of personal interests, and the lack of a close relationship with God. I seek signs of growth such as a growing commitment to prayer, Bible study, and ministry. I look for joy instead of duty in worship and discipleship.
My Type A personality groans at this point. I want things to happen now, if not sooner. Building mutual trust and love, faith, and spiritual maturity does not happen overnight. Nonetheless, every good decision needs a solid foundation of proper attitudes and faith.
A major decision easily turns into a divisive struggle. But it can also energize people and bring them together. Which one happens depends on our approach to decision making.
Stephen Lim is associate professor of leadership at the Assembly of God Theological Seminary in Springfield, Missouri. slim@agseminary.edu
Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
