Today I visited your church. I looked up the address, called the church office for service times, and got myself and my three children ready on time.
We're new in town, and this is the fourth church we've visited. We step inside, hopeful. Perhaps here I'll find help teaching the Word to our children. Perhaps here we'll grow spiritually. Or maybe we'll receive the same welcome we got at the other churches.
"Good morning! And isn't it a fantastic day!" says the greeter, handing us programs.
"Yes. I'm so glad it's cooling off."
"Are you visiting?" he asks.
"Yes. We just moved here."
"Isn't that grand!" he says, stepping back and looking over our shoulders. "Mr. Charlie! And how are you today?"
Evidently everyone has taken the same greeter class. Again and again someone offers a limp hand saying, "I'm so glad you came," without smiling at all, quickly moving on, job finished. I am itching to ask about the women's Bible study, choir practice, and Sunday school. But then they're gone, chatting with a good friend in the next pew.
After wandering around between Sunday school and church, trying to find a door to the sanctuary that doesn't open into the choir pit, we're late. The sanctuary is nearly full, but there's one empty row—at the very front. So we walk past hundreds of eyes, "new people" on parade.
As we settle the kids, a lady on the end whispers to someone behind her, "I just don't know where John and Steve are going to sit now." I chose the deacons' row. I cringe and turn, searching for another pew to move my family to, but the place is packed and the music is starting.
After the service, I buckle my children into the car, pile the take-home papers and Bibles on the dash, and I start to cry.
A too-true story
This is a true story. I have visited four churches over the last three months, and I am frustrated and disheartened enough to quit church altogether. Why has it been so difficult to find a church home?
I have been an active church member, someone people called for counsel and prayer, someone my pastor called if he needed help with a project. We're in a new town, and I don't mind starting over. And the new church doesn't have to be just like the one back home. But, I think, we should be made to feel welcome.
After our experience, I've come up with four things pastors, Sunday school teachers, and folks in the pews can do to help visitors feel at home.
1. Develop a greeting ministry with the visitor, not the greeter, in mind. I attended a growing church years ago that had such a greeting program. This was not simply shaking hands and handing out programs. Members were expected to seek out and speak to specific visitors for at least three consecutive weeks.
When I began attending, someone came alongside me, escorted me to my children's Sunday school classrooms, and answered my questions about various Bible studies. It provided a sense of honest welcome and of immediate connectedness.
2. Choose hospitality over visitation. After our first visit to "Church A," we received four phone calls, two e-mails, and three letters. Then the pastor invited himself to our house to "get to know us a little better and answer any questions we have about the church."
But we weren't even unpacked yet.
I wanted to welcome him into my home, but I'll invite the pastor when I'm ready, the family is settled, and the curtains are up. I'd rather someone from the church invite me to their house, so I can get to know them a little better and so I don't feel on display.
One Sunday at "Church B," the pastor and his wife invited us to their house for dinner following the service. We ate hot dogs and potato chips, completely at ease in this open atmosphere, making it easy to ask questions about the church. It made a world of difference.
3. Recognize Sunday school as an initial contact point. Often a visitor's first experience with a new church is dropping a child off at Sunday school. Greeting new students and their parents warmly, with interest, is encouraging. Saying "hello," sipping coffee, and gushing over the church regular that walks in right behind us sends a different message.
Adult Sunday school teachers also serve as important first contacts. We attended Sunday school as a couple in "Church C" for a few weeks. In those weeks, only one couple learned our names. The rest smiled that little smile that told us, "I'm so glad you came, but I'm not really interested in you."
Time is limited in Sunday school classes, of course, but a few private moments of attention beforehand will go far in helping visitors feel at home.
4. Become visitors for a day. Those who have belonged to the same church for several years may not remember what being a visitor is like. A simple exercise can resensitize you: visit a church where no one knows you.
Go outside your community, outside the denomination. Go without knowing what to wear or what ministries are available. Pay attention to how you're received. Ask yourself how you'd feel if you were longing for a church home right then. Note what this church does well, and what it doesn't.
Some churches intentionally do this once per year. Cancelling all services, they declare it a "visitation Sunday" for members to attend other churches. To maximize effectiveness, urge members to go where they are a stranger to everyone there, and to be prepared to return with a report of what they've learned. The discussion of those reports can lead to important insights about your church.
I'm ready to get to work, ready to make your church "our" church, if I'm welcome. Welcome, however, does not happen automatically. It involves intentionally setting aside natural habits to show genuine caring. It involves welcoming your visitors in the same way that Christ would: with open hearts.
Jennifer Smith-Morris is a writer (and now an active member of New Covenant Church) in Valdosta, Georgia
Copyright © 2001 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership.
