Myth 1: Marriage doesn’t need to be a top priority in the church.
The church should serve as a central hub that intentionally and proactively supports marriages at all levels and on all fronts. Becoming intentional about the importance and value of marriage means much more than just hosting date nights and occasional marriage seminars, which is all many churches offer today. At the very least, the church’s marriage ministry must consist of healthy relationship and dating classes for youth, pre-marriage preparation courses, a ministry of reconciliation for troubled marriages, and programs to strengthen healthy marriages. If a marriage is healthy, the family is healthy. If the family is healthy, the church will be healthy.
Myth 2: When only one spouse wants to work on the marriage, there is little hope of reconciliation.
God can heal a marriage, one spouse at a time. Countless times, we’ve witnessed the reconciliation of a troubled marriage because one spouse focused on deepening their individual relationship with God as their first priority and then prayed faithfully for their marriage. Couples or individuals who find themselves in crisis must immediately be directed to take their eyes off their circumstances and focus on their own relationship with God. Consistently asking, “God, how do you want to change my heart?” is critical to the reconciliation process.
There is a growing network of support for individuals who are separated but desire to reconcile. A pastor and Christian counselor are components of that support system, but these folks cannot shoulder the burden alone. A trained first-response team, which will immediately minister to struggling individuals or couples, is the key to an effective, marriage-saving reaction from the local church. Divorce recovery classes or singles ministries are not appropriate places to send a person who is separated. Instead, churches should consider offering ongoing “Marriage 911” classes for couples in crisis or individuals who are separated. Having a trained mentor couple walk alongside a couple in crisis is also helpful.
