Since I first heard it as a child, I have been fascinated by Aesop’s fable of the contest between the wind and the sun to see who can make a man remove his winter coat.
As a child, hearing it for the first time, I expected that the wind’s greater power made it the obvious winner. But, of course, the more the wind blew, the more the man grasped his coat. When the sun beamed gently on the man, warming him, he naturally wanted to remove his coat. The sun created an environment that helped the man make a choice. The sun’s example holds powerful potential for ministry.
When we have a direction we want our congregation to go, how do get them to go that way? Without blustering or manipulation, how do we create an environment that is naturally conducive to the new direction?
One of the challenges in pastoral work is that we want people to make choices that are healthy for the community. If we force them or pressure them, will they resent it? If we make the decision for them, do we deny them the opportunity to move toward it themselves? How can we create an environment that creates space, an invitation to move towards, instead of just pushing from behind?
How can we create an environment that creates space, an invitation to move towards, instead of just pushing from behind?
First, a caveat: I, personally, wouldn’t use the example from the fable for major new directions. That’s primarily because I believe that, in major new directions, it’s my job to shape questions and direct conversations for the congregation to consider, not to predetermine which direction we should go. So, generally, when there’s a major change, we don’t often come across the problem of “How can we get people on board with our decision?” because usually the stake-holders have been a part of shaping the new direction and already feel a sense of ownership. The direction we’ve shaped together is well-developed.
So while I wouldn’t use this approach in those situations, I’ve found the sun’s approach very helpful in mid-level and daily questions like: How do we help people want to sing new worship songs? How do we encourage people to get to church on time? How do we help people interact across generations? How do we encourage more involvement in a particular outreach to the community?
Let me share a few stories:
As a college community, for years we had problems getting people to church on time. In fact, we all remember the Sunday that the service began with one person in the audience. The rest of the congregation appeared eventually, but it’s a day that’s hard to forget. Not only were folks in the habit of getting to church late, when they did arrive in the building, they would take 15 minutes to wander into the service. It’s hard to welcome newcomers and hard to create a meaningful service with the ongoing disruption of so many people showing up and finding seats.
At first my frustration made me want to go into “wind” mode. I complained about people sleeping in and blustered about when the service was about to start, shooing people toward the sanctuary. If they did respond to my hot air, it was out of obligation and guilt. It felt more like a stick and less like a carrot.
Just last week, I was rushing around before service and, based on the crowd in the sanctuary, assumed it was time to get the service rolling. But I was surprised to find it was still ten minutes before the service. I realized how our culture had progressed in the past year or two. It wasn’t my blustering but the thoughtful, sun-like approach of our worship pastor. He gathered some lay leaders and asked them to commit to be there at least ten minutes before service to welcome folks and to model this habit for others. They were faithful to that commitment and invited others to join them in it. Now people are actually here when we start.
Another challenge, in our church, like many others, is that the community tends to break into age-groups. College students naturally hang out with college students; families naturally spend time with other families. But since we believe it’s good for students to be among older folks, and vice versa, how do we get folks to actually interact, spontaneously and naturally?
We could behave like the wind, with lots of “shoulds,” or we could create environments where they naturally interact. We realized part of the problem is the way we’ve arranged our ministry: the kids’ programing takes place in the basement while the students are worshiping upstairs. When the children’s minister realized that it’s easy for students to come to church and never see kids, she began creating ways to welcome children into the service and lead various elements, partly so that the students can be introduced to the kids. She hopes, for example, that after seeing the kids’ cute Christmas presentation, students will now have particular faces in mind when she asks them to volunteer with kids.
One of the ways we reach out to our community is through our cafe. It’s a favorite hangout for college students, and we love serving them in that way. But college students aren’t known to be big spenders. At points in the history of the cafe, we’ve wondered if it’s financially sustainable. It’s been easy to ask, “Why don’t more church members come to the cafe during the week?” The first time this question arose, I must admit the wind did a little work, telling people they really should support the cause and come to the cafe at least once a week. An us-vs.-them divide began to grow between cafe regulars, who felt more devoted and a little judgmental, and cafe “irregulars” who felt bad that they don’t live as close or because their family life isn’t as conducive to spending time in a cafe. So, in an effort to introduce some sun, the cafe manager created a system where people could order their coffee beans for home by phone and pick them up at church on Sunday. They started to love the flavor and let us prepare it for them.
Who wants to go to church because they should? Or interact with others out of guilt? Or support a cafe out of obligation? When we do things that way, we make it harder for people to respond out of the deeper and more meaningful place of love.
We want an internal motivation, not a grudging obedience. And when hearts are engaged, with each other, with our ministries, and with God, it’s a much sunnier day. When people want to help, who knows where that might lead?
Mandy Smith is lead pastor of University Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio.
