The air is cool and smells of jasmine. It is fitting
that we are in a garden; he would meet with me
in the garden of my home. He knew I was afraid,
so he would come to me when no one could see.
I had so many questions, but he never ran out of
answers. All my years in the temple couldn’t come
close. Sometimes we laughed, sometimes we ate.
I never remember silence; there was always
something I needed to know.
He is silent now. I am still afraid, but I cannot let
the dearest friend I ever had go to the grave
without custom. I have brought my finest linens,
freshly laundered. I have brought my oils – frankincense,
myrrh. The garden is full of jasmine and gardenias.
Even the nightingales mourn him. They sing their
sad song while I go about my task. I have brought
my wash cloth of finest linen. I dip it into the stream,
wring it out. I wipe the bloody brow of my friend,
he who was not afraid to be that which he is.
He who felt no need to explain, defend himself.
This is the gentlest work I will ever do – wiping
the tears from eyes that will no longer open.
I wash his wounds, too many to count – in his side,
his hands, his brow and back. There are places
the skin threatens to come off altogether – I have
seen this before. I have been prepared for such
a time as this.
I ease the muscles back into place; I seal with oil
what threatens to come undone. I anoint him in
the aroma of his heavenly home and encase him
in linens. I never remember the moon glowing this bright.
I can see him so clearly. I try to find fear in his face,
but can only see peace. I weep quietly as I work –
the most important task I will ever do.
The table is set; he is bathed in moonlight.
Eventually, they will come for him. Til then,
I will have one last night in the garden with my friend.
Jessie Epstein is a writer and actor based between Los Angeles and the Midwest. Her work can be read in Identity Theory, orangepeel, and Anti-Heroin Chic, among others. Her debut chapbook of poetry, Francesca Dons Beatrice’s Cloak: A Lovergirl’s Guide through Dante’s Inferno, is available through Bottlecap Press. Find more on her Substack and website.
