A Meeting of the Board: A Satire

Pete: This meeting has been called at the request of Matt, John, Tom, and Little Jim. Bart, will you please open with prayer?

Bart: Almighty God, we ask your blessing on all we do and say and earnestly pray that you will see our side as your side. Amen.

Pete: Jesus, we have been following you around for some time, and we are getting concerned about the attendance figures. Tom, how many were on the hill yesterday?

Tom: Thirty-seven.

Pete: It’s getting to be ridiculous. You’re going to have to pep things up. We expect things to happen.

John: I’d like to suggest you pull off more miracles. That walking on water bit was the most exciting thing I have ever seen, but only a few of us saw it. If a thousand or so had a chance to witness it, we would have more than we could handle on the hill.

Little Jim: I agree. The healing miracles are terrific, but only a limited number really get to see what has happened. Let’s have more water to wine, more fish and chips (it never hurts to fill their stomachs), still more storms, give more signs. This is what the people need.

Pete: Right. And another thing, publicity is essential, and you tell half the people you cure to keep it quiet. Let the word get around.

Matt: I’m for miracles, but I want to hear a few stories I can understand. This “those who have ears to hear, let them hear” business just clouds the issue. You have to make it clear or most of us aren’t going to be able to take anything home.

Big Jim: I’d like to offer an order of service. First a story, then a big miracle followed by an offering, then maybe a saying or something, followed by a small miracle to bring them back next time. Oh yes, and a prayer if you like.