“Once Upon A Midnight Dreary …”

Many years ago, I read about a philosopher who woke up in the middle of the night with a profound insight into the nature of the universe. With trembling hands he reached for his notebook and, without even turning on a light, wrote down his profound insight so that he might develop it the next morning. Imagine his chagrin when he read: “Everything in the world is a manifestation of turpentine.”

Okay—his insights weren’t so good; but the idea of writing down ideas has stuck with me. Just recently I discovered an old file of midnight memos, and I thought I ought to share some of them with you. Perhaps some enterprising reader can run with one of these ideas and help change the world.

1. Get Sunday school kids to collect soft drink cans and build an organ out of them. It will help save aluminum and promote the cause of good music. (Come to think of it, an organ made of soft drink cans might be better for pop music.)

2. Start a ministry for people who are too busy. Schedule meetings for them that you plan to cancel. Maybe it could be a clearing house for pastors who invite each other to preach and then cancel the invitation, thereby giving them a week at home when their church officers think they are away. That’s a good name—Cancellation Clearing House. Our motto: “We have hands on your time.”

3. Idea for a doctoral thesis in church history: King James (of the Bible translation of the same name) introduced golf into England. Could this be the reason most fundamentalist preachers who use the KJV are rabid golfers? What is the actual correlation between Bible translations and golfing?

4. Write a song for the ecumenical crowd: “On Hearing the First COCU in Spring.”

5. Over seven million aspirin tablets ...

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