Coupling Therapy

Looking for a truly memorable gift for your spouse? Charla Muller has one: Offer your spouse sex every day for a year. That's what she gave her husband, Brad, for his 40th birthday.

The gem of 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy lies less in the gift itself and more in Muller's motivation for giving it. She and Brad had been married ten years, the last several of which were "off kilter." She struggled with depression and wasn't much interested in sex at all. Her offer of The Gift was a way of telling Brad she was committed to restoring their relationship. Through stories and dialogue, Muller makes the case that marriage is worth unusual sacrifice and work—and that spouses will be happier and healthier for the effort.

Muller makes the point well, but writes kinda like this: "Girls, do what it takes to give your man a slap-happy grinnin' face and you won't be sorry." Throughout the book she alternatively refers to her readers as "girls," "gals," and "sisters." I don't talk like this. In fact, Charla and I don't have much in common. But we both care about our marriages—which is, after all, something significant.

Muller scores well (pun intended) with reflections on marriage during the year of daily sex. She debunks the myth that only beautiful couples deserve or can have good, hot sex. She names the scrutiny wives feel from other women, the changing standards of beauty, and the struggle to cope as women who don't measure up to our own ideal, much less someone else's.

Most chapters have a nugget of marital wisdom: women can't do it all—be super moms, wives, and employees. Something will slide, and it will probably be the super wife role. She names the "aha" moments all married persons come to—a crossroad where ...

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