Falling in love with caricatures of girls and women, such as blow-up dolls or pillows imprinted with female characters, is still on the margins of Western culture, but it’s getting noted enough to merit a recent New York Times Magazine story about the phenomenon in Japan.
“2D love,” what the phenomenon is called in Japan, emerges from a subculture of people who have real relationships with characters in the imaginary worlds of video games, anime, and manga (cartoons and print comics popular in Japan). The NYT Magazine story featured 37-year-old Nisan, a single man who fell in love with the video game character Nemutan. He has a stuffed pillow with her image imprinted on the fabric. He calls Nemutan his girlfriend and takes her out on dates and extensive road trips.
Japanese analysts think the trend reveals the difficulty men (in particular) have negotiating relationships with 3D women. It’s easier to control a relationship with an inanimate object than with a real woman who can talk back and will from time to time have her own ideas. A similar explanation has been used to explain the attraction many males have to pornography in the States.
A particularly dark side of 2D love is the sexual obsession men have with prepubescent female characters. Momo, who makes and sells X-rated anime images of prepubescent females, says he has sex with his imaginary lovers. He also says he neither views child pornography nor is attracted to his young niece. Whether or not this trend will translate into harmful behaviors toward young girls is to be determined, but the question has at least been raised. Regardless, being obsessed with 2D images says something has gone terribly awry.
While the first impulse may be alarm, disgust, or laughter at 2D love, the quirky 2007 film Lars and the Real Girl allows for a more empathetic response. Lars, and perhaps men like Nisan, are painfully shy, insecure, lonely, and yet long for relational intimacy. Film reviewers called Lars’s character psychotically reclusive, a misfit, and delusional. Yet what he wants represents a deep longing we are created to desire, a relationship safe enough to be known and loved, one in which we can know and love another.
So, what is missing relationally between men and women that leads some men to invest in imaginary relationships rather than real ones (in some cases, prepubescent pillow girlfriends)? Do some men choose imaginary girlfriends because they are easier to control and easier to please? Do men attracted to imaginary lovers fear they will disappoint real women, failing to meet the expectations of flesh-and-blood lovers?
As a sociologist, I wonder if the fear seen at the margins reflects a broader experience shared by other men who nevertheless choose to engage in relationships with real women. Such is often the case – which is why looking at the margins can be informative rather than merely interesting.
In a rapidly changing culture such as ours, where gender norms are being renegotiated from generation to generation, men as well as women struggle to figure out appropriate expectations, hopes, and fears. While the most alarming news about 2D love is it’s potential to foster pedophilia, the trend to choose imaginary lovers over real ones might also speak of some men’s broader fears of failure to negotiate love well.
