In researching their book, What’s Happening to Clergy Marriages?, David and Vera Mace learned that 50 percent of pastors and 69 percent of pastors’ wives felt they needed help in handling negative emotions such as anger. They also learned the following about these marriages:
¥ Fifty percent of the husbands and 55 percent of the wives needed help in communicating with each other
¥ Forty percent of husbands and 55 percent of wives needed help in family devotions.
¥ Only 21 percent of husbands and 23 percent of wives needed help in matters concerning sexuality.
¥ In money management, 13 percent of husbands and 27 percent of wives needed help.
In a survey of pastors’ wives only, the authors found:
¥ Sixty-eight percent felt they needed more time alone with their husbands.
¥ Forty-eight percent felt they needed help in better understanding their roles as pastors’ wives.
¥ Only 20 percent needed help in understanding their attitudes toward women’s liberation.
In another survey for pastors and their wives, the authors asked about the advantages and disadvantages of a clergy marriage.
¥ Sixty-three percent of husbands and 56 percent of wives indicated that shared Christian commitment and spiritual resources were an advantage.
¥ Sixty-six percent of wives felt that unity of purpose in ministering to others was an advantage. Only 44 percent of husbands agreed.
¥ Forty percent of each group indicated that high status and respect in the community were advantages.
¥ Eighty-five percent of husbands and 59 percent of wives felt that a major disadvantage was the fact that clergy marriages are expected to be models of perfection.
¥ More than 50 percent of each group listed “time pressures due to the minister’s heavy time schedule” as a disadvantage .
¥ Although only 22 percent of husbands felt that “no in-depth sharing with other church couples” was a disadvantage, almost half of the wives felt it was.
¥ Less than 15 percent of either group listed “frequent moves” and “no permanent roots” as a disadvantage .
¥ Finally, less than 10 percent of either group listed “no one ministers to the clergy family” as a disadvantage.
Religion and Family
In a recent survey, the Princeton Religion Research Center discovered that 74 percent of the adult respondent indicated that religion in their homes had strengthened family relationships “a great deal” or “somewhat.” The following specifics were brought out:
¥ Prayer within the family was viewed as a major factor in improving family life.
¥ After family members and friends, most of the respondents claimed they turn to the Bible for advice, assistance, or encouragement on family matters. The clergy was also mentioned frequently as a source of assistance.
¥ When asked what is most important in their family life, most respondents listed the Golden Rule, religious principles, the precept “live and let live,” and the Ten Commandments, respectively. In a related Gallup survey for the White House Conference on Families, respondents said that religious organizations have a more favorable influence on the family than do health-care institutions, schools, or social service agencies.
Moral and spiritual values based on the Bible outranked familv counseling, parent training classes, or government laws and policies as main factors in strengthening the family.
Getting Books Cheap
Robert Hazen, president of Alberta Bible College, Camrose, Alberta, Canada, offers some reminders on how pastors can build their libraries:
¥ The general mark-up on most books is between 35 and 40 percent. Some bookstores will pass part or all of this savings on to you if you are connected with a seminary or Bible school, past or present
¥ Parishioners who want to give their pastors a gift often don’t know what to give. Enlist an educator or scholar in your church to suggest books that would make meaningful gifts.
¥ Request a book allowance from your church. This should be standard procedure, but remarkably few pastors get one.
¥ Join a book club. Usually there is no cost for joining, and you buy only the books you want. The clubs give excellent reviews of new books, and they continually offer good books at sale prices.
According to Hazen, “If you’re not creative and ingenious in buying books, then quite likely you’re poorer than you have to be.”
Listed are just a few of the many Christian book clubs available;
Christian Herald Book Club, 40 Overlook Drive, Chappaqua, NY 10514.
David C. Cook Book Club, 850 North Grove Ave., Elgin, IL 60120.
Pressomatic Book Club (Inter-Varsity Press), Box F. Downers Grove, Il 60515.
Puritan Reformed Discount Book Service, 1319 Newport Gap Pike, Plaza 41, Wilmington, DL 19804.
Religious Book Club, Box 4524, Des Moines, IA 50336.
Word Book Club, 4800 West Waco Drive, Waco, TX 76703.
Grandfather Program
This is one of the many innovative ministries practiced at Central Baptist Church, Lawton, Oklahoma. “We ask members from our Adult III (65 and older) Sunday school class to be grandparents to children from our single-parent families,” says Jody Hilliard, youth minister.
The men take the boys fishing and to other sporting activities. Right now, one grandfather is teaching a young man how to play golf. Grandmothers are also involved; they do baking or sewing with the girls, or take them shopping.
Hilliard emphasizes that it’s not a babysitting service. It’s a time when single adults can rest from the wear and tear of raising their children. The grandparents love it.
Up-Front Evangelism Approach
Results of an urban evangelistic effort in Boston indicate that an “up-front” approach is better received than an indirect approach.
New England Church Life reports that a summer evangelism team, ministering under the auspices of Emmanuel Gospel Center of Boston, compared direct and indirect approaches, both in announcing and conducting their meetings.
The team used live music, skits, and movies of the neighborhood to attract attention and help gather the crowd. But they had even better results when they announced that the meetings would feature gospel music and a gospel message. Many adults, as well as children, made decisions in response to the gospel presentation .
“People feel the world is running out of control, and they want answers,” said Dennis Jackson, who assisted in the summer effort. “The crowds were about the same size as other summers, but the response was greater. When the gospel message was announced and presented directly, it had results, with or without attention-getting, warm-up devices.”
Sermons and Youth
Edward J. Hales, pastor of First Baptist Church,Wheaton, Illinois, has a
method that works for him:
1. Bring your junior and senior high young people together, and show them how to construct a sermon outline.
2. Encourage them to listen closely to your sermons over a short period of time, and have them make outlines for each sermon. Then offer prizes to the ones who come closest to duplicating your own outlines.
Sunday School -Drops
Even though church membership has increased 6 percent since 1970, Sunday school, church school, and Sabbath school have declined from 401/2 million to 321/2 million-a 24 percent drop.
Although 24 out of 42 Protestant denominations reported substantial church growth, only 9 reported Sunday school growth; and only 3 of the 9 reported growth of over 1 percent. Denominations hardest hit were:
¥ The Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod-a drop of 28 percent.
¥ The United Presbyterian Church in the U.S.A.-30 percent.
¥ The American Baptist Church-32 percent.
¥ The Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) 45 percent.
¥ Even the sprawling Southern Baptist Convention, which considers Sunday school one of its most important ministries, dropped 20 percent.
Periodic surveys also show a parallel decline in the number of Americans being exposed to Christian education .
¥ In 1952, 6 percent of those surveyed had no childhood religious training; in 1965, 9 percent had none; and by 1978, that number grew to 17 percent.
Recently, 287 pastors and denominational executives were asked what they believed were the top reasons for the decline of
Sunday school and related Christian education bodies in the last ten years.
¥ Seventy-five percent indicated “not concerned with outreach” as the top reason .
¥ Seventy-four percent indicated “classes not relevant” as reason two.
¥ Fifty-three percent said “no long-range planning” as reason three.
¥ Forty-nine percent gave “decrease in priority given to Sunday school” as reason four.
¥ Forty-seven percent stated “declining teacher commitment” as reason five.
¥ Other probable reasons included “low level of teaching competency, inadequate lay leadership, and not enough Bible teaching.”
Affirming Parishioners
“We pastors expect regular affirmation from our parishioners,” says Henry A. Simon, “and they have a right to expect it from us too . “
Simon, pastor of Signal Hill Lutheran Church, Belleville, Illinois, makes it a point to practice a daily ministry of affirmation. Beyond the normal methods of affirming people, Simon has a couple of unique tips that work for him:
¥ He runs a monthly thank-you column in the church newsletter called “A Tip of the Hat.” It’s used to publicly thank members for special contributions to the ministry of the parish. He likes to mention the names of people who quietly work behind the scenes-such as those who count the offering after the Sunday morning service.
¥ At periodic meetings of the church boards, committees, and auxiliary groups he conducts affirming devotions. They start with a brief meditation on Scripture; then
each person writes his or her name at the top of a sheet of paper. These sheets are passed around the group, with participants anonymously listing the gifts or abilities of each person. After the sheets have circled the group, they are returned to their originators. Simon leads in a prayer of thanksgiving for the ways in which God blesses them to serve.
A deacon recently said to Simon, “Whenever you affirm my work, your affirmation makes what I do, no matter how small, seem important and worthwhile.”
Copyright © 1981 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
