In the past 16 months, I have had a major stroke, coma, respiratory arrest, and four brain surgeries. During this entire period, I did not experience even 1/10 of the emotional blowout, frustration, and fits that the author of this article did over a simple tank of gas. I think she needs to just fill up the tank and move on! She could try modeling a little grace to her husband, and she will probably be amazed at the results that more mature handling of such a little problem will bring. Yes, it is healthy to fight constructively in front of your kids and model positive ways to resolve conflict, but don't teach your kids that a few gallons of gas is going to rule your life and emotions and drive the family dynamics in negative directions for several days. Blessings to all!

In the past 16 months, I have had a major stroke, coma, respiratory arrest, and four brain surgeries. During this entire period, I did not experience even 1/10 of the emotional blowout, frustration, and fits that the author of this article did over a simple tank of gas. I think she needs to just fill up the tank and move on! She could try modeling a little grace to her husband, and she will probably be amazed at the results that more mature handling of such a little problem will bring. Yes, it is healthy to fight constructively in front of your kids and model positive ways to resolve conflict, but don't teach your kids that a few gallons of gas is going to rule your life and emotions and drive the family dynamics in negative directions for several days. Blessings to all!

Robyn, I found almost all of the comments that disagreed with Caryn to be respectful--just stating a different opinion. But even the one's that may have labeled her behavior as somehow wrong were still not necessarily judgmental. I can say I believe behavior is wrong without judging someone. Judging implies, in some form, condemnation. When we judge we are not just saying I think your behavior is wrong, but I also condemn you for it. If just stating that someone else's behavior is wrong was judging than you'd be guilty of it for calling someone out for disagreeing.=) I didn't really find that attitude in the comments, but rather a desire to clarify the idea of "fighting" or a desire to say I might feel differently than Caryn on this issue. There might have been some pretentiousness in a post or two, but it is hard to read tone in this context.

Lily, there are definitely people who criticized Caryn and said that she and her husband were not behaving in a godly way, who threw the Jesus card in her face, figuratively speaking. I don't think that's appropriate. I do consider it casting a stone when someone passes judgement on another all the while implying that s/he is faultless. Disagree all you want. There is a difference.

@ Caryn, point taken about your parent's divorce. Sorry if that was too broad brushed. My parents went through divorce after about as many years... it's complicated. Thanks.

Vince's comments made me want to shout Amen. I have been married for close to 25 years and the only good thing you can say about fighting in front of kids is that they may get to see you forgive each other afterwards. However, you can say that for any kind of sinful behavior. Yelling, sarcasm, sniping, using an acid tone of voice, etc. are not a good ways to talk to anyone, but especially not your spouse. Similarly, we would all be better off if we never uttered phrases such as, you always, you never, you should know that, how many times do I have to tell you, and so on. We would also be better off if we could recognize that the best course of action is often to pass over another’s faults. As parents, my husband and I try (however imperfectly) to model how two people can disagree and still be kind and respectful to each other. And when we fail, we apologize and forgive. But I never want to communicate to my kids that fighting is healthy or that the best course is always to tell the other person exactly what’s bugging you about them at that moment.

Robyn, disagreeing with the author is not casting stones (any more than my typing this is casting stones at you). When we are transparent, we need to be careful not to leave the impression of "I sin, you sin, we all sin and that's OK!Stop judging me!" I do not think that Caryn did this. I think she is saying it is unhealthy for children who never see their parents fight. Fighting is good as long as you forgive one another. I think this is a good start, but not completely on target. It is important for children to see how we handle disagreement and conflict resolution. The implication may be that women who just submit because God says to and that is my lot in life never allow their children to witness appropriate ways to handle disagreement. I would like for the women (and men) who read this blog to understand that there is a healthier way to disagree, and that is better to model to our children.

This article seems to offer an answer to the question rendered by another article about submission in marriage: If the wife is not required by Scripture to submit to the husband, how do they solve a disagreement? This article seems to say, it is healthy for our children to see us argue things and forgive. However, it fails to fully answer the dilemma because when two disagree, one eventually has to give in (submit) or change their thinking. Usually, the person with the strongest will and temperament will be the one to win. I have known some spouses (within my own extended family) who get their way through stubbornness and demands, "It's my way or the highway", who hold their families hostage to their self-centered demands. I think rather than modeling argument or fighting to our children it is better to model appropriate interaction to our children. I do think the wife had a legitimate complaint regarding the gas tank. I would like to see this article expanded and offer some appropriate ways to address issues with our spouse, perhaps through ownership of the problem and (I have a problem with the gas tank on the car)and effective communication of the need (We need to consider the next person who will use the car) and how it makes you feel (I feel unloved). I think it is important for husbands and wives to learn proper communication skills in the midst of disagreement that is done with consideration and kindness toward each other. I would THEN encourage parents to model and teach it to their children. I think this is fully supported by Scripture.

Thanks for all the comments, everyone. I agree with Kelly and Robyn that perhaps my idea of "fighting" has been inflated. I equate fighting and arguing and disagreeing--within the context of a loving marriage. When my husband and I "fight," we are not throwing dishes, throwing punches, screaming or using horrific language. I indicated the difference between a fair fight and nasty fighting in my article. @Vince: my parents didn't have a fighting marriage. They fought--but didn't have 35 years of unhappiness or constant fighting as you've surmised. People divorce for a number of reasons. That they fought occasionally was not one of them. Thanks again for the comments!

Also, Kelly has an excellent point. The word "fight" has different connotations for different people. I prefer the word "argue" because it has a less violent connotation to me. But my definition of "argue" may very well be someone else's (probably Caryn's) definition of "fight."