Why should the role of Pastor wife tied up in the Pastor, what happen to her relationship with Abba? We should view her only by her relationship with Abba which defines how she relates to everyone else. Is she a faithful follower. Let her be true and humble herself under the mighty hand of Abba. Let them take off the mask of being so needed. Let the anointing of Abba whatever it is be hers. Stop expecting anything else than what we should expect of all other believers which is righteousness and that she is equally yoked to her husband. The husband's must know if their wives are equally yoked other wise he need to start praying and waiting on Abba to deliver them. These young women need the older women to teach them.

S Griffin, I think Tim Fall's point was that there is no Biblical precedent (thus, no reason) for calling pastors' wives First Ladies. I have attended black churches where that did not happen. I have also attended a black church whose pastor is a woman, and her husband is not called the First Gentleman. It is also true that not all of the women in this TV show are black. Two of them are Caucasian.

Tim Fall, you do realize that in black churches the pastor's wife is referred to as the "First Lady"? Not sure when it started but that's how it's been since I was a child. You also have a "Church Mother" who is the oldest mother in the church.

Having watched a few of these episodes and praying for these women (and their husbands and churches) as I did so, I have to agree with Jim Ricker. It saddens me to see such blatant (and not only accepted, but even expected) materialism in these families and churches. The "kingdom" statements some of these women make seem to imply that they are above reproach -- I don't see much humility here. One husband/former pastor said something to the effect of "You haven't been married until the law has been called to your house." Really??? The pastor's wife who wanted a ritzy bachelorette party before she and her husband renewed their vows, and proceeded to come on to strange men during it, before she looked up her former pimp (I'm not kidding) almost took the cake. But, really, the worst thing of all seems to be the hateful attitudes/downright cattiness among these women. I don't see any "sister" relationships at all -- mainly what seems to be rivalries. It's beyond sad.

I am a wife and a pastor. It occurred to me while reading this article that perhaps the men out there who are finding themselves "pastor's wives" may be able to help buck the steriotype of what it looks like to be the spouse of a pastor.

I am a pastor's wife... This article REALLY made me process what my "role," "position," "identity" is! There are stereotypes of pastor's wives that have clouded the way and I'd like to propose a NEW understanding. Had to write a blog about it: http://wp.me/phCVA-zf Thanks for getting the conversation started! *Loreli*

I thought the show was pretty on point.I give them props for being who they are on tv.They are more fearless than most christians I come across.They are on their own journey and own it. God is working stuff out in their lives & its a process. Although most pastors wives did not sign up for the position of pastors wives just demonstrating simple kindness isn't too much of a stretch is it?I have yet to come across a pastors wife who isnt bitter, over assuming, super "discerning", afraid,wearing a mask, controlling and/or just completely non existent.We are all role models influencers to some extent. If a pastors wife does not want to be in the spotlight I say just be real and say so. Maybe then people will be more willing to be who they really are too. Honesty is the best policy and no one can do it all. Im not here to be your everything-the end. I have way more respect for that then people being non existent or wearing the mask of elitism

"It is an antiquated and strange notion to view a woman as an extension of her husband's occupation. Yet for some reason, we insist on doing this with pastor's wives." This is why, every time my husband confesses he wants to become a pastor, I fill with anxiety. Ultimately, we'll do it if God really wants us to, but I absolutely cringe from the idea. I've seen what churches can do to pastors and their families, and I am NOT a typical "pastor's wife," nor will I ever be. My consolation is in witnessing the un-pastor-wifey-ness of my own pastor's wife and how everyone still loves her. It CAN be done, but it is not without struggle. (evenonesparrow.blogspot.com)

This article affirms my recent hope to offer Life Coaching to the population of pastor's wives! I absolutely believe that a wife of a pastor has been made uniquely for a purpose, which is not only to support her husband, but to also fulfill the purposes God has given her because of the passions He has laid on her heart! If you are a wife of a pastor and would like to explore this, please contact me! I would love to help! www.coachjes.com. I'm so thankful this article was written!

As the wife of a pastor, I appreciate your caution that we not lose our individual personhood to a role or expections of a congregation. However, I have to disagree that being the wife of a pastor is the same as being married to a man in any other profession. Unless of course, your family is expected to show up at his workplace three times a week. Truth is there are a lot of professions were the line between family and work blur. And really, being a doctor or a lawyer is not like any otber profession either. Perhaps instead, we can give each other the space to draw boundaries that work for us as couples. That may mean that a wife is heavily involved or not, but we must allow for a variety of circumstamces and personalities.

When I married my husband, he was a teacher, and since then he's changed careers and is now a pastor who specializes in counseling. When he first began working at our church, we got to meet with our head pastor and his wife, and they asked about fears or concerns. I told them I felt there might be new expectations that I start teaching Sunday school or playing piano (none of which are gifts/abilities of mine!). They were WONDERFUL, and encouraged me to keep on pursuing the unique callings on my life, which include leading a ministry that reaches out to women who work in our city's sex industry. While my church leadership has this attitude, I know many do not, and women married to pastors are under tremendous pressure (especially those whose husbands are the only pastor on staff). They deserve freedom from human demands to be a certain kind of woman (whatever that is) so they can be freed to fulfill God's call on their lives.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," Ephesians 5:25. Jesus didn't only give up his life for his Bride, he gave up his home and took up the humble restrictions of a human body, "he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness" Philippians 2:7. Jesus himself said he didn't come to be served but to serve (Mark 10:45). So, how does the expectation that the pastor becomes everything and his wife becomes subservient to his calling square with husband's loving their wives? Pastors are not exempt from the basic requirements of Christian living.

Pastor Golden, you do understand the author was not claiming never to have heard the term "First Lady" before, right? She was talking about the inappropriate use of the term to refer to the wife of a senior pastor in a mega-church. No matter who attends such a church, calling the woman the "First Lady" is flat out wrong. There is only one "First" person in any church, and that's Jesus Christ. Cheers, Tim (timfall.wordpress.com)

I find this statement problematic: "I cannot think of a single instance in which a woman was expected to give up her gifts and calling in service of her husband, the dentist. Or lawyer. Or plumber." Giving up a career or hopes of a career to stay at home and support a husband's career has been a staple in marriage. The 'requirements' and celebrity of first ladies/pastors' wives are an extension of a long-standing (and problematic) dynamic.

I've never watched the show and have no intent of doing so. BUT, your article give me pause .The article does little more than attack rather than present. The term "first lady" isn't a "black thing" itz an AMERICAN thing. The term 'lady' originates in England. The title "First Lady" seems to have originated in the United States, where one of the earliest references was applied to MARTHA WASHINGTON. Surely, Ms. Ortega your apparent bias should not deflect your assumed scholarship in such understandings. An article about 'firsts' shouldn't be written by a second hand.

Yay! Nicely said. I have been married 35 years to a man whose occupation and calling is the pastorate. For all of those years I have heard "oh! You're the pastor's wife!" And then they suck all of the air out of the room. Often I just simply say, "Yes, I am married to the Pastor." I have been very fortunate that my husband has not elevated our family to any position that would reinforce the notion that the family is an extension of the ministry leadership. I would venture to suggest that some of these stereotypes are actually encouraged by the pastors themselves. My husband also teaches seminary and its alarming how many men arrive mimicking the "preacher boy" persona and they are dragging their wives and family right along. Whether we wish it or not, the stereotype follows us. Unbelievers and the disenfranchised place expectations on us even in the non church environment. A series like this will only serve to fuel unrealistic images.

Laura, You raise some very good points. As a pastor's wife for several years, I think I'm missing some information, however -- you wrote, "There are websites, conferences, and resources galore for pastors' wives, as if they signed up for some kind of apprenticeship when their husbands became pastors." I know not of these resources; perhaps that is just as well, since they are probably "available" for more drachma than my "pastor" earns. Keep up the good writing!

I think this show--and your critique of it--has played into stereotypes about the term "pastor's wife." The show may blatantly play on voyeuristic tendencies to want to know the pastor's personal life, but for a woman to identify as a "pastor's wife," or in my denomination, "clergy spouse," is neither to subsume his/her identity nor to reject a special call on his/her life. There are a number of particularities on a clergy spouse's life, just as there are with spouses of EMTs, doctors, and other professions. Long hours, an erratic schedule, an overwhelming emotional burden regarding issues that must be kept confidential, and more. The difference is that these issues happen not in a separate workspace to which the spouse does not have access, but in the spouse's own faith community. It creates a unique environment for the spouse--one that can be viewed as an opportunity or a burden. It is not a term merely concocted to subsume a spouse's identity, but to explain family circumstances.

Hitching up to their husband's occupation (doesn't seem correct to call it a calling when you look at this situation) is the least worrisome aspect to this show and the fame, fortune and media-prostituting. Maybe we should be more concerned with the zit these females are putting on the great name of Jesus instead of what person they are hitching their fortunes to in this world.

Couldn't agree more, Laura, nice job. Identifying ourselves by our spouses is a fool's game. The only person we are to be identified by is Jesus, plain and simple. And on the issue of them being "... the 'first ladies' of their congregations, and fame follows wherever they go." For crying out loud, how does that square with Mark 9:35 ("Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'") I mean seriously, it's not like that is an obscure passage or anything. Cheers, Tim (timfall.wordpress.com)