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The Quest for a Bigger, Better, Cuter Pregnancy
Finding your baby's gender is a time filled with anticipation, wonder, and, these days, party planning. The commercialization of pregnancy is at it again: A whole culture and industry has emerged to celebrate the big gender reveal. There are portable ultrasound machines that can be brought right to the living room, storefront 4D ultrasound boutiques, cakes with pink or blue inside to indicate the gender of the baby, and parties dedicated to revealing "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" to family and friends.
Thanks to advances in ultrasound technology, couples discover more information than ever about their babies before they are born. Just months ago, my husband and I excitedly waited to get a peek of our twin boys in utero, so I know how special it can be to see sonogram pictures, listen to the little heartbeats, and learn about your babies.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to see your baby up close and personal or wanting to share the gender of your child in a fresh and innovative way. As Christians, celebrating a baby from the earliest days of gestation only solidifies our commitment to being pro-life. I love seeing ultrasound pictures of my friends' babies. I love the suspense and surprise of gender reveal celebrations. I love a good party, and what better reason to celebrate than announcing the news of your baby's gender?
As a mother-to-be, though, I found myself disappointed when I couldn't reveal our bundles of joy in the extravagant ways I saw everyone else doing it on Facebook and Pinterest. (We didn't want to spend money throwing a gender reveal party, plus our parents live far away and wouldn't have been able to make it anyway.)
Somehow, it's not enough just to be pregnant anymore. Mommies-to-be want more: a clever, cutesy themed party, a decked out nursery, or one of a dozen other ideas pinned onto their inspiration boards. While these things can be fun and exciting for new parents, they're also more ways we all feel pressured to yet again keep up with everyone else.
On social media, we are exposed to the inner lives—and pregancies—of our friends, pseudo-friends, and celebrities in ways we never have seen before. Update after update, picture after picture, this window into their lives can foster disappointment, comparison, judgment, or expectation from those who choose not to be so forthcoming about their big news.
Even Kim Kardashian, who isn't shy about publicity, initially chose not to reveal the gender of her own baby—and faced some criticism over it. And the world is waiting to hear if Kate Middleton's little heir to the throne will be a girl, as speculated. In a lot of ways our ability to know more about a pregnancy has made us feel entitled to that information.
The Seminary Gender Gap
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Sondra Kraak
For both my pregnancies, we did not find out if the baby was a boy or girl. I can't count the times people commented how they couldn't do that, "I'd have to know!" We loved the surprise and found that in the joy of the moment after birth there was no room for disappointment. One reason I think Christians need to be careful about hyping up pregnancies/gender reveals through parties, social media, etc. is the struggle of many with infertility or singles who might long to be married and have a family. In the church we need to be sensitive and supportive of those with fertility struggles or unfulfilled mama dreams.
Heather Munn
Your final point is so right. You've also introduced me to gender-reveal parties, about which I am still (two minutes later) feeling very curmudgeonly. I'm thirty-one, is that old enough yet to be a curmudgeon? I want to grump, "Sheesh. Why I live in the country and got off Facebook. Honestly." In all seriousness, I submit that though it's true that it's good to celebrate new life, there may be a few things wrong with this stuff. You cited commercialization. In my opinion it's worth more than just a mention. I think it's an insidious force in our society. I wonder how many people throw these types of parties not because they want to but because they feel pressured to? Because I want to say "too much time on their hands," but really, I doubt they have that much time! But you HAVE to do the expected things... which always involve buying more stuff. But why are there *new* expected things? Because the companies who sell pink and blue stuff dreamed them up, to sell more of it.
audrey ruth
Re: "A pregnancy shouldn't be more about the pregnancy than the new life it holds." Amen! I'm truly glad that all this hoopla wasn't going on (thus, expected) when I was carrying my babies. A lot of people were disappointed that we chose not to learn the sex of our children before they were born, but the anticipation helped get me through labor and made that first meeting ultra special.
JANET W
Deb, I think I'm missing your point. Are you advocating that people not seek to find out the sex of their child via ultrasound or that they not tell others about it or both? Are you advocating that decorating should happen after the birth of the child? Not sure where the logical conclusion for your thoughts leads.
Deb Tomsky
Great article! We as Christians need to remember that we are to be "in the world, not of it" and not get caught up in the latest fads. Besides ultrasounds etc are not 100% accurate ~ TWICE doctors told me I was having a daughter, yet God gave me four strapping sons! :) who I wouldn't trade for all the girls in the world. How will first-time parents feel once they've counted on & planned for (decorated the nursery, bought all the clothes etc.) for one sex and instead receive the other? They can't help but be disappointed ~ something that should NEVER happen at the birth of a child. I can imagine all the phone calls now, instead of calling with the good news of a healthy child, it will be, "So sorry Aunt Jane, I know you spent a fortune on that Thomas the Train Engine set and matching quilt and curtains for the nursery, but it turns out we have a daughter instead of a son." An apology instead of a celebration. Aaargh...
e 8305
I believe we'll continue to see this evolve- from gender reveal, to off the chart first birthday celebrations,and so on.. It's the Sweet 16, Bride-zilla generation growing up & what I see with my friends is that quite a few really live from party to party, or celebration.
Rachel Stephan Simko
My friend's cousin had one of those cakes. The inside looked purple so they thought it was a girl, but the box said: "blueberry - boy." So her cousin spent a lot of the party crying. Interesting, eh? I tend to keep away from Pinterest, other than for recipes, b/c I know my temptation to compare myself to others. We've celebrated and prepared for two little girls just fine - in our own style - low key and loving. evenonesparrow.blogspot.com
Angeline evans
Love your sentiments and honesty here. I've also seen a lot more people go the opposite way - most of my friends who are currently pregnant are opting to not find out the sex of the child at all. No way is right or wrong, but it is interesting to see the variation. I have never been to a gender reveal party, though... I don't really see the point.
Marilyn Gardner
I had 5 Reveal parties! Only they were a little different than those described - there was no cake, no punch. Just a tired mom and dad, a midwife or doctor, a nurse and a mom or friend. But boy did we party when we heard "It's a Boy!" or "It's a Girl". Your last paragraph says it all.
Lesley Miller
Courtney, I love you big takeaway. The last line says it all: A pregnancy shouldn't be more about the pregnancy than the new life it holds. I would add, a wedding shouldn't be more about the wedding than the new marriage it's celebrating. There are a lot of ways our culture has turned something sacred into a party where we're missing the point. This was happening long before Pinterest, but certainly the web makes it easier for some women (and some men) to do so. That being said, for our first baby we did a gender reveal party about two years ago (was it a trend yet? Not sure.) I was having a hard time connecting with the pregnancy, and I thought a gender reveal party might help. We got a cake, a few Target Baby napkins, and pink and blue drinks. No fancy invites, no presents, and just close friends and family. You know what? It was SO MUCH FUN. I highly recommend it to first time parents, so long as you don't go over the top.
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