Perhaps the single most discouraging part of being a young Christian woman in America today is watching my peers leave the church. Far too often, I’ve seen frustration turn into cynicism and deconstruction into deconversion.
And this is happening well beyond my circles: For the first time historically in the United States, more young men are religiously affiliated than their female peers. As cultural and political allegiances further solidify, 18- to 29-year-old women are fleeing churches, and young men are staying. This is but one data point that speaks to a cultural divide, such as political orientation, growing between men and women.
For most of recent history, women were slightly more likely to attend church and to be religiously affiliated. Now, the scales have tipped, with younger men being a few percentage points higher in categories like regular church attendance compared to younger women.
Last year, religion reporter Ruth Graham explored this gap in The New York Times, interviewing a variety of congregants at Baptist churches in Texas (as well as Christianity Today’s editor in chief, Russell Moore, and religion researcher Ryan Burge). Burge, who provided the data on Graham’s piece, told me he sees the numbers coming out the same way in multiple data sets: “I am not willing to say the gender gap has reversed, but I am willing to say the gender gap has disappeared.”
Some have argued that cynicism toward the church among women is due to the last few election cycles, where the majority of white evangelicals voted for Trump. While this might be part of the equation, it is not the sole reason women are attending church in fewer numbers. Burge, who pastored for two decades, said women leaving the church could partly be a reaction to preaching that is specifically geared toward keeping men in the church. When the church tries to meet the needs of one specific group, it inevitably overlooks another, he observed. Churches like to think they are not influenced by popular culture, he said, but Christians cannot escape the cultures we live in.
And in the wake of the #MeToo movement, feminism, and “Red Pill” masculinity, Christian women are left with a lot of conflicting messages about what it means to be a woman. These are questions the church needs to be prepared to answer.
In a culture that tries to pit women and men against each other, the church needs to provide a more compelling, countercultural story—one where male and female are both honored. And as our culture continues to divide and gender continues to be a contentious topic, the church must resist the temptation to assimilate to culture in either direction, instead returning to its countercultural roots. That includes rejecting both political parties’ visions of gender and upholding a Christ-centered view, one that honored women in a culture where Jewish men prayed daily to thank God that they were not Gentiles, slaves, or women.
Christ offered a revolutionary view of women in a patriarchal society—that they, too, could be disciples. In a time when only the smartest Jewish men were permitted to follow rabbis, Jesus opened the door to ordinary and sinful women to follow him and become disciples.
Dorothy Sayers wrote about Christ’s affection for women:
A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, never flattered or coaxed or patronised; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as ‘The women, God help us!’ or ‘The ladies, God bless them!;’ who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously; who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no axe to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unself-conscious.
Despite messaging in modern feminism, secular culture does not cherish womanhood by diminishing and deconstructing gender. While I affirm the goodness of sex distinction, I understand the inclination of my peers to want to do away with its differences.
The power men have held in the church for centuries has yielded much good, but it has also permitted atrocious acts of abuse, done by the church or kept quiet by the church. Hearing anecdotes about pastors and others in the church failing to protect women is another reason women may feel hesitant to attend church. It looks as if the church is acting as the world does, neglecting the vulnerable and bolstering the powerful.
As a young woman choosing to stay in the church, I empathize with those who are leaving. I understand those who feel jaded and hurt by the church. The #ChurchToo movement reveals how women have been wounded by those entrusted to care for them. Christians need to resist both ends of the cultural spectrum, which both demand power, and remember that, in God’s kingdom, the first shall be last, and the last shall be first (Matt. 20:16).
For my fellow Gen Z women, I encourage you to return to the pages of Scripture, where we see Jesus cherishing women. Outside of Scripture, we can read the words of faithful Christian women throughout history who share our burdens and our love for Christ.
Just as Jesus was countercultural by embracing women in a culture that ridiculed and reduced them, the call for Christians today is the same: not to reduce one another by cultural stereotypes but to embrace each other as distinct individuals made in the image of God, as beloved brothers or sisters in Christ. There are communities all over the world that are faithful to Jesus, and unfortunately, they are all imperfect and flawed.
“He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter,” Dietrich Bonhoeffer said in Life Together, “even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial.”
Both Christians and non-Christians are susceptible to the same sins and struggles. The only difference is that Christians repent and then reorient themselves to God. That’s why the church is so important. We are meant to lovingly keep one another in check.
What a grave disservice we do when we brush aside abuse and hurt, worried that our churches are uniquely sinful. Christians must be unique in our pursuit of holiness, which requires accountability and repentance.
Women who feel jaded by the church: don’t turn away from your grief, but face the ways you have been hurt and welcome the counsel of a pastor, spiritual director, counselor, or fellow Christian. We are healed in community, even when imperfect communities may have inflicted our wounding.
As tempting as it is in our individualistic culture to pull away when things are hard, God’s best for all of us includes community. Although the church is imperfect, we can be assured that the perfect, communal, triune God surrounds us at all times.
Jenna Mindel is a writer based in Los Angeles. She works at Biola University, where she received a degree in journalism.
