Longing for a despised Faith
Justin Brierley, the UK-based apologist and podcast host, has a gift for warm and fruitful conversations with non-believers who remain curious about Christian faith and sometimes greatly admire its perceived moral and social benefits. He profiles some of these figures in his recent book, The Surprising Rebirth of Belief in God: Why New Atheism Grew Old and Secular Thinkers Are Considering Christianity Again.
When I came across a new memoir from Donna Freitas, Wishful Thinking: How I Lost My Faith and Why I Want to Find It, I immediately thought of Brierley as an ideal reviewer. Frietas has enjoyed a varied career as a writer, with output ranging from novels for young adults to scholarly research on their personal and social lives. Evangelical readers might recall her study Sex and the Soul: Jugging Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance, and Religion on Americaโs College Campuses.
In her personal life, Freitas has alternated between despising her motherโs devout faith and longing for the anchoring and reassurance it provided.
As Brierley writes in his review of her memoir, โThis is a personal journey, honestly told. But, as a Christian myself, I wanted to reach through the pages of the book and encourage Freitas to give up searching for the same experience of God that her mother found comfort in. Far better to go to the source, seeking the image of God found in the Jesus of the Gospels.
โPerhaps Freitas would tell me thatโs the evangelical in me speakingโalways fixated on Scripture. But I was struck by how rarely the figure of Christ featured in a book about someone trying to make sense of Christianity. If you want to find God, surely thatโs the place to start?
โA notable exception comes when Freitas describes a sudden moment of clarity while reading Sartre during her philosophical awakening. The philosopherโs concept of โbad faithโ refers to the danger of investing our self-worth in temporal thingsโcareers, relationships, loveโthat will inevitably let us down.
โFreitas acknowledges that, for Christians, Jesus must be the answer to Sartreโs โbad faithโ dilemma. But, when plunged into the abyss of depression by relationship breakdowns and traumatic life events, she says she has simply never found Jesus waiting for her:
This is where the difference between a believing Christian and a faith-challenged person like me reveals itself. I plunge into that darkness and wish for someone to carry me to the other side of this hell. But the only way I ever get there is if I somehow find the way out again alone.
โFor a season, Freitas tried to implement Sartreโs solutionโsurrendering to the meaninglessness of life and perhaps finding a way to live above the maelstrom of the storm. But she struggled to make it work in practice.
โHowever, I believe Jesus has a better response to nihilism than Sartre. In his famous story about the wise and foolish builders (Matt. 7:24โ27), he pointed out how easily life lets us down when we construct it on the shifting sands offered by this world. Instead, he advised his hearers to weatherproof their souls against the storms of life by building on the rock of his own life and teachings.โ
A Divine Architecture of Hope
Iโll admit to being a touch cynical when Christians recall inexplicable or weirdly fortunate circumstances in their lives and profess, with perfect confidence, that God had arranged them for some particular purpose. To be clear, I have a high view of Godโs sovereignty, and I believe he orders all human affairs for the good of those who love him. Still, I want to ask: What makes you so certain about the specific workings of a mysterious providence?
The upside, of course, is that such Christians are refusing to accept the shoulder-shrug of randomness for events that might appear senseless or cruel. They trust that a loving God is at work in the details, even if they canโt understand how.
That hopeful mindset undergirds Nothing Is Wasted Ministries, founded by Indianapolis pastor Davey Blackburn in wake of his wife, Amanda, being brutally murdered inside their home almost a decade ago.
In his new memoir, Nothing Is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain, Blackburn describes the chance encounters, sudden recollections, and other โsigns and wondersโ hinting that God had carefully prepared him for a season of intense grief and disorientation.
Ericka Andersen, a writer familiar with the Blackburnsโ presence in the Indianapolis area where she lives, reviewed the book for CT.
โAs Davey put his life back together,โ she writes, โa divine architecture of hope took shape. It helped him view Amandaโs killers, at least in part, as victims of their life circumstances. It gave him the freedom to cultivate forgiveness.
โSeemingly insignificant memories would resurface in Daveyโs mind, illuminating clear markers of Godโs preparation for moments of resentment and disorientation.ย โYour sin and my sin murdered Jesus,โ Davey recalled a pastor telling him at seven years old. Remembering this remark, he was reminded that no matter how violent a crime, all sin is deadly in Godโs eyes.ย
โAlong the way, God provided words of wisdom, encouragement, and prophecy from meticulously placed pastors, friends, and community members. When Davey began having regular nightmares, consistently jolting awake at exactly 6:37 a.m., random friends began texting him with prayers right at that moment each morning. None of them knew about the nightmares.ย
โโYou were built for this. You have been placed in this position for such a time as this.โ In a serendipitous meeting one day, Davey heard these words from a local Black pastor who worked with inner-city youth like the ones who killed Amanda.ย
โSuch confirmations began to appear at every turn. All the signs and wonders could only point back to God, who was leading Davey to something far bigger than himself or Amanda.ย Davey recalls hearing God say, โIโm a God who restores out of the ruin,โ and that he would โcompletelyโ restore this situation too.โ
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