September 19, 2024

Longing for a despised Faith

Justin Brierley, the UK-based apologist and podcast host, has a gift for warm and fruitful conversations with non-believers who remain curious about Christian faith and sometimes greatly admire its perceived moral and social benefits. He profiles some of these figures in his recent book, The Surprising Rebirth of Belief in God: Why New Atheism Grew Old and Secular Thinkers Are Considering Christianity Again.

When I came across a new memoir from Donna Freitas, Wishful Thinking: How I Lost My Faith and Why I Want to Find It, I immediately thought of Brierley as an ideal reviewer. Frietas has enjoyed a varied career as a writer, with output ranging from novels for young adults to scholarly research on their personal and social lives. Evangelical readers might recall her study Sex and the Soul: Jugging Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance, and Religion on America’s College Campuses.

In her personal life, Freitas has alternated between despising her mother’s devout faith and longing for the anchoring and reassurance it provided.

As Brierley writes in his review of her memoir, “This is a personal journey, honestly told. But, as a Christian myself, I wanted to reach through the pages of the book and encourage Freitas to give up searching for the same experience of God that her mother found comfort in. Far better to go to the source, seeking the image of God found in the Jesus of the Gospels.

“Perhaps Freitas would tell me that’s the evangelical in me speaking—always fixated on Scripture. But I was struck by how rarely the figure of Christ featured in a book about someone trying to make sense of Christianity. If you want to find God, surely that’s the place to start?

“A notable exception comes when Freitas describes a sudden moment of clarity while reading Sartre during her philosophical awakening. The philosopher’s concept of ‘bad faith’ refers to the danger of investing our self-worth in temporal things—careers, relationships, love—that will inevitably let us down.

“Freitas acknowledges that, for Christians, Jesus must be the answer to Sartre’s ‘bad faith’ dilemma. But, when plunged into the abyss of depression by relationship breakdowns and traumatic life events, she says she has simply never found Jesus waiting for her:

This is where the difference between a believing Christian and a faith-challenged person like me reveals itself. I plunge into that darkness and wish for someone to carry me to the other side of this hell. But the only way I ever get there is if I somehow find the way out again alone.

“For a season, Freitas tried to implement Sartre’s solution—surrendering to the meaninglessness of life and perhaps finding a way to live above the maelstrom of the storm. But she struggled to make it work in practice.

“However, I believe Jesus has a better response to nihilism than Sartre. In his famous story about the wise and foolish builders (Matt. 7:24–27), he pointed out how easily life lets us down when we construct it on the shifting sands offered by this world. Instead, he advised his hearers to weatherproof their souls against the storms of life by building on the rock of his own life and teachings.”

A Divine Architecture of Hope

I’ll admit to being a touch cynical when Christians recall inexplicable or weirdly fortunate circumstances in their lives and profess, with perfect confidence, that God had arranged them for some particular purpose. To be clear, I have a high view of God’s sovereignty, and I believe he orders all human affairs for the good of those who love him. Still, I want to ask: What makes you so certain about the specific workings of a mysterious providence?

The upside, of course, is that such Christians are refusing to accept the shoulder-shrug of randomness for events that might appear senseless or cruel. They trust that a loving God is at work in the details, even if they can’t understand how.

That hopeful mindset undergirds Nothing Is Wasted Ministries, founded by Indianapolis pastor Davey Blackburn in wake of his wife, Amanda, being brutally murdered inside their home almost a decade ago.

In his new memoir, Nothing Is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain, Blackburn describes the chance encounters, sudden recollections, and other “signs and wonders” hinting that God had carefully prepared him for a season of intense grief and disorientation.

Ericka Andersen, a writer familiar with the Blackburns’ presence in the Indianapolis area where she lives, reviewed the book for CT.

“As Davey put his life back together,” she writes, “a divine architecture of hope took shape. It helped him view Amanda’s killers, at least in part, as victims of their life circumstances. It gave him the freedom to cultivate forgiveness.

“Seemingly insignificant memories would resurface in Davey’s mind, illuminating clear markers of God’s preparation for moments of resentment and disorientation. ‘Your sin and my sin murdered Jesus,’ Davey recalled a pastor telling him at seven years old. Remembering this remark, he was reminded that no matter how violent a crime, all sin is deadly in God’s eyes.

“Along the way, God provided words of wisdom, encouragement, and prophecy from meticulously placed pastors, friends, and community members. When Davey began having regular nightmares, consistently jolting awake at exactly 6:37 a.m., random friends began texting him with prayers right at that moment each morning. None of them knew about the nightmares.

“‘You were built for this. You have been placed in this position for such a time as this.’ In a serendipitous meeting one day, Davey heard these words from a local Black pastor who worked with inner-city youth like the ones who killed Amanda.

“Such confirmations began to appear at every turn. All the signs and wonders could only point back to God, who was leading Davey to something far bigger than himself or Amanda. Davey recalls hearing God say, ‘I’m a God who restores out of the ruin,’ and that he would ‘completely’ restore this situation too.”

Matt Reynolds

Senior Editor, Books

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