Most people, if they're familiar with me at all, would know that that just emerges out of my story of some pretty deep brokenness in the 10 years that I was in Boston when we were planting a church. In a nutshell, I was severely depleted but had no clue and just kept pushing and pushing. I had no rhetoric, no way of thinking about my own soul. You know, a soul is saved, what else do you need to know about it, right? All my drivenness, my co-dependencies, led me right over a cliff of my own physical health that sidelined me from my own life for a few months. In that season, I was doing some deep reflection, deep prayer, really wrestling with God, confused. And I emerged with a very different resolve that anything I was going to attempt in my life had to come from a different place—not from my striving, my achieving, my leveraging, harnessing. I was absolutely done being so very intentional and strategic. I resolved to build as deep a relationship with God as I knew how. I had no idea what that meant, but I said, "From now on, from that place of deep relationship, God can do through me whatever he jolly well pleases. I'm done caring. I'm done trying so hard, I'm done." And the crazy thing is, the deeper I dove into a new way of life, into authentic connection with God, with community, with my true stuff, the more doors kept swinging wide open for influence in ways that I never would have had the guts to include in a strategic plan. It seemed to validate further what God's talking about in John 15. You abide, you remain, you trust, you freefall, you dive deep and really let the outcomes go, and if God chooses to bear fruit through you in a season, you rejoice. If there's a season that doesn't have any apparent fruit, you just rest in God. What a change.
So many of us come out of those deep valleys with a sense of mission and purpose.
And it was unintended. My only mission was to not be driven anymore. Everything that came by way of my leadership, my teaching, was all secondary. My mission is to build the deepest relationship with God that I know how. And He can do through me whatever he jolly well pleases.