Skills

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Preparing to Leave a Church You Love

Even when you know it’s time to move on, you’ll likely face mixed emotions.
Preparing to Leave a Church You Love
Image: Noel Hendrickson/Getty

Leaders don’t always get to stay where they want; sometimes they need to go where they’re called. This means that we may find ourselves leaving churches we love in order to see the plans of God unfold.

We left our local church two years ago—a church we served, led, loved, and still love. A place where we knew we were supposed to be until we no longer were. ...

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How to Ask a Man to Mentor You

In light of #MeToo, some men are more reluctant than ever to mentor a woman.
How to Ask a Man to Mentor You
Image: Westend61/Getty

Thankfully, the #MeToo movement is pointing out the longtime abuses that powerful men have held over women. As women, we rejoice in the fact that justice is being served and look forward to a kinder future in which our dignity and safety are respected and, hopefully, even valued.

One unintended effect this movement may be having, however, is to make even good men nervous, as ...

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How to Make Finding a Mentor Less Awkward

Three shifts in the way I thought about mentoring freed me.
How to Make Finding a Mentor Less Awkward
Image: Weekend Images Inc./Getty

Why does finding a mentor feel like dating? You look for someone who meets all the qualities you desire in a role model. You weigh the pros and cons of a long distance relationship over Skype and the classic coffee shop face-to-face. You wonder if the person will be into it or just say "yes" to be nice.

Then there is all the anxiety around popping the question, “Will ...

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Pastoring the Victims of #MeToo

Four steps your church can take to minister well
Pastoring the Victims of #MeToo
Image: David McNew/Getty Images

In the 24 hours after #MeToo first appeared on Twitter, more than 4.7 million women (and some men) engaged with the thread. Many were admitting for the first time that they had been victims of rape, sexual abuse, or sexual harassment. Any of these individuals who desire healing and closure will need infinitely more than what the camaraderie of a trending hashtag can provide. ...

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Getting Past the Lie of Rejection

Five steps you can take to get back on track.
Getting Past the Lie of Rejection
Image: Lightstock

“We feel like the Holy Spirit is calling you elsewhere.”

Each word pierced me like a dagger to my soul. After pouring hours, sweat, tears, and passion into a church I loved, the leadership decided I was not enough. I was not enough. Those four words penetrated my mind and colluded to form a lie that began to shade how I viewed all other circumstances. The feeling ...

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Comparison Is Stealing Your Joy

Five practical tips to fight back
Comparison Is Stealing Your Joy
Image: Lightstock

There are so many cautionary tales in the Bible about comparison—beginning with the very beginning. The serpent in the garden suggests to Eve that she compare herself to God. If only she will eat fruit from this one tree, it tells her, she could be like God in her knowledge of good and evil. The stories of Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers, Saul ...

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Unresolved Relationship Issues

Recognizing, addressing, and helping others deal with transference.
Unresolved Relationship Issues
Image: Lightstock

We were in the second week of a five-month discipleship program when one of the participants casually said, “I can’t tell you how much you remind me of my mother.” I knew she was not giving me a compliment because moments before, she had shared in great detail how difficult her family of origin was.

As the group continued, it became clear Karen* still followed ...

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Poured Out for the Church

Releasing the desire to be right, even when you’ve been wronged
Poured Out for the Church
Image: Lightstock

It’s one of those days that becomes etched in your memory―completely against your will. Try as I might to focus on the chubby legs of my two-year-old toddler scurrying around my ankles as we navigated the petting zoo, my mind was racing. My breath felt short and my heart beat erratically.

I felt the need to scratch a nagging itch―an odd sensation―relentlessly screaming ...

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