The truth is, being married and having kids does not define our worth. We are all loved equally. I have to remind myself of that during these conversations. The reality is the majority of people in church leadership are married. But there are so many single women sitting in the pews who often feel forgotten. We get to represent them―to sit at the tables of leadership and remind people there is wholeness to be found in being single.
So now, instead of just saying “no” when asked if I am married, I say “no, but …” I use it as an opportunity to share what God is doing in my life. Sometimes I walk away making a connection, but at the very least I hope they walk away thinking differently about singleness and its important role within the body of Christ.
God has someone for you!
The most frequent comment I receive from church people is, “God has someone for you!” I am sure they are well intentioned, and I appreciate the fact so many people have been talking to God on my behalf. However, I wish they would check with me to see what other prayer requests I might have instead of assuming that finding a man is my main priority. I say this somewhat jokingly, but this message can be challenging to hear on repeat―challenging because it assumes there is a hole in my life. It's a hole so large, it causes random people―who know very little about me―to point it out and pray for me.
I want to be clear―I do not feel called to singleness, and I hope to get married one day, but I can’t change my current reality. Do I believe God has someone for me? Well, I hope so, but there is no way for me to be 100 percent sure. What I do know is that God is intimately involved in my life, and the Holy Spirit guides me. I believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be for this season even though it looks very different from where I thought I would be. My love for God―and my decision to surrender my life to God―has nothing to do with my marital status. I know God has a good plan for my life―and it might include a man―but either way, I will trust the hand of the Creator who adores me.
This belief has influenced my response to the statement, “God has someone for you!” Instead of wincing and smiling politely, I now respond by saying, “I know God has a lot of things in store for me, and I am excited to see how it all unfolds.” This statement is a reminder of truth for me―and I hope for others―that our lives should not be centered on a spouse, but instead we should center it around our loving Creator and the expansive call on our lives.