The Case for Early Marriage
Enduring Gospel Witness
Abstinence is not to blame for our marital crisis. But promoting it has come at a cost in a permissive world in which we are increasingly postponing marriage. While I am no fan of the demographic realities I outlined earlier, one thing I will remember is that while sex matters, marriage matters more. The importance of Christian marriage as a symbol of God's covenantal faithfulness to his people—and a witness to the future union of Christ and his bride—will only grow in significance as the wider Western culture diminishes both the meaning and actual practice of marriage. Marriage itself will become a witness to the gospel.
Romantic relationship formation is what I study. I've spoken with hundreds of young adults about not only what they think or hope for, but also what they actually do. Time and again, I've listened to Christian undergraduates recount to me how their relationships turned sexual. One thing I never ask them is why. I know why. Because sex feels great, it feels connectional, it feels deeply human. I never blame them for wanting that. Sex is intended to deepen personal relationships, and desire for it is intended to promote marriage. Such are the impulses of many young Christians in love. In an environment where parents and peers are encouraging them to delay thoughts of marriage, I'm not surprised that their sexuality remains difficult to suppress and the source of considerable angst. We would do well to recognize some of these relationships for what they are: marriages in the making. If a young couple displays maturity, faith, fidelity, a commitment to understanding marriage as a covenant, and a sense of realism about marriage, then it's our duty—indeed, our pleasure—to help them expedite the part of marriage that involves public recognition and celebration of what God is already knitting together. We ought to "rejoice and delight" in them, and praise their love (Song of Sol. 1:4).
Mark Regnerus, Ph.D., is the author of Forbidden Fruit: Sex and Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers (Oxford, 2007). He's an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas, Austin, where he lives with his wife, Deeann, and their three children.
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Related Elsewhere:
Forbidden Fruit is available at ChristianBook.com and other book retailers.
This story was posted with "Restless, Reformed, and Single." Christianity Today will also post three responses to "The Case for Early Marriage" on Monday.
Previous Christianity Today articles about singleness, chastity, or marriage include:
My Top Five Books on Marriage | By Charles W. Tackett, CEO of PursuingHeart.com (May 7, 2009)
Choosing Celibacy | How to stop thinking of singleness as a problem. (September 12, 2008)
Practicing Chastity | A lifelong spiritual discipline for singles and marrieds. Lauren F. Winner reviews Dawn Eden's The Thrill of the Chaste. (March 15, 2007)
30 and Single? It's Your Own Fault | There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that's just sinful. (June 21, 2006)
Sex in the Body of Christ | Chastity is a spiritual discipline for the whole church. (May 13, 2005)
Reflections: Sex, Love, and Marriage | Quotations to stir the heart and mind (February 1, 2003)
Sidelining the Stigma of Mental Illness
Starting a Dialogue with Hip-Hop
The Latest in Movie News, June 17, 2013
It's the Thoughts That Count
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What about society?
I agree with the case for early marriage, but it is more than just a sexual issue. Although it was touched on, there is the case that earlier marriage lets couples grow together, as opposed to just joining together. Society also benefits - one comment said the twenties are for having "fun", as if marriage is nothing but a chore. But now "fun" is moving to the 30's - because all the "fun" is leaving people more immature. God did not mean for people to be shacking up, staying up late partying, spending adult life playing video games, and all the other "fun" people in their 20's are having. The Churches could do more to support young marriage - including more intergenerational events, making sure young married couples have older married couples to socialize with (many young married couples are influenced by single friends to keep up the "single lifestyle)", etc. They could also do practical things like subsidize married student housing at secular universities - which is in need.
ATAT
This is so incredibly irresponsible. Young people aren't skeptical about marriage because of secular divorces, but because of divorce within the church, by their own pastors and parents. And then he claims that marriage is glorified? No - weddings are glorified. Everyone wants to have sex and a big party, but no one's actually interested in the whole sacrifice aspect till they've had fun in their 20s. Which is what your 20s are FOR. Heaven isn't guaranteed. The idea that two people should marry intentionally *because* they are both immature is ludicrous and could have extremely damaging consequences for the young people who get pressured into this (and then either quickly into a divorce, or into a life spent unhappy, which is a life wasted).
CM
Part of the bonding process occurs in the early years while you struggle, while you get established. There is an interdependence that develops and deepens as you struggle together. It is part of becoming one. During that struggle you learn to yield to each other, and to prefer each other, sometimes setting aside what you want/need to allow for the spouse to have what he/she wants/needs. That is sacrificial love, and if one waits to be completely established, one might find it harder to bend for each other. Trees that are planted very close together, such as the lilac in my back yard, intertwine and sometimes merge as one trunk. Trees allowed to grow to maturity without affecting each other may eventually have branches that touch, but that intermingling and shaping of the trunks to accomodate both happens when one is young and flexible. It's not a perfect analogy, but illustrates how growing together when young and flexible can establish a firm bond. Happily married 23 years