She was standing over by the wall, alone, while the rest of the congregation mingled about after the evening church service. The pastor moved over to her side and gently said: “It’s really getting you down, isn’t it?” That was all the encouragement this teen-ager needed to pour out her confusion and fears. Then, through counsel and prayer, the pastor was able to help her toward emotional and spiritual healing. Others in the youth group soon heard about the incident, and the message spread quickly: “The pastor really cares—you can talk to him.” The secret of this man’s increasingly effective youth ministry is simple: he is available. Or, as the young people in his church express it, “He knows how to hang loose.”
Pressed by a demanding schedule and a demanding congregation, many pastors miss valuable opportunities to reach out to the confused, questioning young people in their church family. The minister who rushes around doing “church work” often communicates to the young an impersonal attitude that turns them off. And so at an important decision-making time of their lives, teen-agers who need their pastor’s counsel and concern hear a busy signal that tells them, “He hasn’t time; try later.”
Most young people will not force themselves on their minister, particularly to talk about problems that are not clearly defined in their own thinking. It takes time to talk about feelings, and they would rather say nothing than be pressured by a hurried “get to the point” attitude.
Pastors who talk a lot about their youth programs, but don’t take time to listen to a struggling teen-ager soon lose their young people. But a pastor who takes the time to measure young people’s feelings, stated or not, will find he has a growing youth ministry—and the cooperative prayer support of young people who come to care about him.
Without cutting into the hours needed for sermon preparation, pastoral calls, denominational work, and administrative details, a busy pastor can generate an aura of interest and relaxation that will open many worthwhile opportunities for teaching and counseling the young. Availability is the key, and there are several ways to communicate it.
Stop the “going through the line” ritual, at least for a few Sundays. Going to the foyer to greet people at the close of a worship service may elicit nice comments like, “I enjoyed the service,” or “That was a wonderful sermon, pastor,” but it seldom provides opportunities for constructive pastoral care. “Keep the line moving” is an inviolate part of the ritual, and people will not hold up the line to talk to the pastor. They will be polite and say the right words, no matter how they feel inside.
But when a pastor occasionally stays at the front of the sanctuary or stands off to one side, he says by his action, “I’m free to talk.” Young people will notice this (so will adults who feel that they shouldn’t be taking the pastor’s time) and come over to talk with him. They can relax, knowing they are not holding up a line. And they will feel a sense of privacy, even if only to make an appointment.
It’s good experience, anyway, for the church members to be responsible for seeking out visitors and inquiring about the welfare of one another. People can be encouraged to see this as part of their ministry, instead of designating Christian care as the minister’s job.
Another way to tell teen-agers you have time for them is to attend their meetings simply out of interest, not as an answer man or a special guest. One pastor thought his church needed to hire a youth director to help hold the young people. He felt his own Sunday afternoons should be spent on the preparation of his evening message, not at the young people’s meetings. But when he did start attending the meetings, just to relax and listen, his relationship with the young deepened, his pastoral ministry to them became more effective, and he still got his sermons ready on time. When a youth director was hired, it was to help with a growing youth ministry, not to stop an exodus.
Whenever young people congregate before or after meetings, a pastor need not hesitate to join them and share something of himself. If he listens thoughtfully, comments understandingly, and above all is genuinely loving, he will find that the young people want to talk to him. A word of caution, however: the minister who thinks he is fun to be with or is really as young at heart as they are will soon lose his young people’s respect. Without putting on professional airs, he should realize that he is older—and maturer—than they and act like it. Flip statements and jokes may get laughs but won’t get teens to respond to him as a pastor.
When calling on a young person, the pastor should be relaxed. This is easy if he enjoys being around young people. But even if he finds them hard to understand, a quiet, casual manner communicates, “I have time for you.” He can get immediately into the reason for his call because his attitude has communicated the sense of relaxation that most people try to accomplish with small talk.
When speaking, the pastor should look at the young person, not around the room or at others. He should try to understand what the youth is saying and sense what he is feeling, then speak directly to that. If there are others around, he should concentrate on one person at a time. One pastor had to turn his back on a very vocal mother in order to talk to her son. By doing that, he communicated to the boy, “I’m interested in you.” Another pastor learned to say, “I hope to be able to visit with you and Mr. Smith some evening soon, but right now I want to talk to Mike.”
Being available is a “right now” kind of ministry. Adults may be willing to wait until next week for an appointment with the pastor, but young people’s problems are immediate. They are growing and changing, and they need to make psychological and spiritual adjustments as questions and problems arise. A teen-ager’s problem that could be cleared up in five minutes now may crop out more severely later on and take months to resolve. A pastor can neither effect nor communicate a “right now” availability when he is also implying, “I am very busy.”
Some pastors feel they must show the church members just how busy they are doing the Lord’s work and earning their pay. Those who are able to overcome this need to demonstrate busyness, communicating instead a relaxed attitude of availability, find that the response from young people and adults alike is far more impressive than a frantic pace. Pastoral results in the lives of people builds a strength into the church that no amount of programming can give.
Hang loose, pastor!—ROGER C. PALMS, American Baptist campus minister, East Lansing, Michigan.
