BEFORE YOU SAY “I MIGHT”
Most churches hold classes or counseling for pre-marital couples. At Church of the Open Door in Crystal, Minnesota, young-adult pastor Todd Bullock decided to hold a six-week course for couples before they got engaged.
 The class, “Before You Say ‘I Might,'” helps couples sort fantasies from facts about marriage. Couples come with questions like: How do I select a mate? How do I know if this is the right person?
 The weekly sessions begin with a get-acquainted game and move into an hour of teaching on expectations, communication, conflict, sex, or spirituality.
 The teaching time is followed by an hour of small-group discussion. Each class is limited to twelve couples, who then form groups of three to four couples with a married couple as facilitator.
 Assignments are to read Neil Warren’s “Finding the Love of Your Life” (Focus on the Family) and complete Jerry D. Harden and Dianne C. Sloan’s workbook, “Getting Ready for Marriage” (Thomas Nelson).
 About 30 percent of the couples taking “Before You Say ‘I Might'” break up. Other couples feel affirmed by what they learn and become engaged. They then take the “Before You Say ‘I Do'” class, which is required for marriage at Open Door.
 One couple who recently married wrote of what they learned in the pre-engagement class. Bob wrote, “Commitment to Christ enables us to love and accept each other the way we are. It is not looking to the other person to fulfill all our needs or controlling them to get them to be more like we want them to be.”
 Sarah added, “I am a very emotional, romantic person. I came to see that the marriage journey and the Christian journey demand commitment. On the days I may not like Bob and he may not like me, we still have the commitment.”
–JANE McClain Crystal, Minnesota
FIFTY WAYS TO LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
Trinity Baptist Church of Adrian, Michigan, holds small-group Bible studies every Wednesday night. One recent study was on Jesus’ command in the Gospel of John to love one another, and groups were asked to “come up with ten ways to love your neighbor.” With five groups participating, they soon had a list of 50 ways to love their neighbors, including: bake and deliver cookies, rake leaves, offer to babysit for free, help with laundry, invite people to church, shovel snowy sidewalks, give them a book that touched you, take them flowers for no occasion, tell them how Jesus is real to you, and take them lunch at work.
 The following week, the list of 50 “random acts of kindness” was distributed to everyone in the church. Each idea included a space for people to check once it had been done.
 One person started a monthly lunch ministry to elderly folks. Another member initiated a garden sharing program: people bring fresh produce from their gardens on Sunday morning to share with each other.
 Comments minister Clark Cothern, “While not every person used every one of the 50 ideas, the exercise continues to overflow.”
HOME-GROWN COUPLES’ RETREAT
Our church of about one hundred members is in a rural setting, so it’s difficult to find effective and affordable marriage seminars nearby. For the past three years, our church has conducted our own home-grown couples’ retreat.
 I use a hotel or motel in a nearby resort area but to keep it affordable, we hold it during the off-season. We provide two nights and three days, from Thursday through Saturday, for $90.
 Since I’m not a professional counselor or marriage expert, I draw upon the print and video resources of those who are. We hold four one-hour sessions, leaving plenty of free time for couples to rekindle romance.
 The retreat has been an effective evangelism tool as well; couples who have been on a retreat are eager to invite nonchurched friends to the next one. We started with five couples, and we now have thirteen scheduled for our next outing.
–RON Dempsey New Life Assembly Broadway, Virginia
WHAT’S WORKED FOR YOU?
What program or activity has worked well in your church? LEADERSHIP pays $25 or more for each published account of fresh and effective ministry. Send your description to: Ideas That Work, LEADERSHIP, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188. Or e-mail it to LeaderJ@aol.com.
Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./LEADERSHIP Journal
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