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Q: Our small church is deliberately focused on three adjacent neighborhoods. One family, though, lives 25 minutes away, and they clearly feel a bit left out—for instance, we don’t want to host all-church events at their house. How do we explain we’re glad to have them but unwilling to drop the neighborhood model? —Stumped in South Dakota
Beth Moore: I love that your question is how to explain rather than whether you should explain. That’s a healthy start! I’m a big believer in clear communication, especially in a case like this, where you know a family in your community feels excluded.
I recommend meeting with them and approaching the issue with something like this: “Our church is devoted to a neighborhood model, but we are so glad you’re here and don’t want you to feel left out. While we need to stay within these three neighborhoods for our all-church events, let’s talk through ways you could feel more included.”
Be willing to get creative. For example, could they host a one-time or once-in-a-while special occasion gathering at their house for a small group? Perhaps a gathering for staff and spouses? Or peer couples? That kind of thing, every now and then, could go a long way toward welcoming them without changing the feel of congregational life.
Whenever possible in this kind of situation, do your best to find an alternative yes when the main answer must be no. This is a way to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Col. 3:12). Then, when you still have to say no, at least this family will understand how much they matter to your church. I applaud how wonderful your church community must be for them to make the 25-minute trip!
Beth Moore and her husband, Keith, reside outside Houston. She has two daughters and an armful of grandchildren. Beth leads Living Proof Ministries, helping women know and love Jesus through Scripture.
Q: How do you respond to Christian—or church—family members when they espouse baseless conspiracy theories? I’m especially thinking in terms of public witness. It’s already a tall order to get people outside the church to take our faith seriously in this day and age. Why would they believe our witness about the Resurrection, for example, if we lack discernment on lesser matters? —On Edge in Oregon
Kevin Antlitz: When someone shares a conspiracy theory, I’m tempted to respond with “the facts.” Or worse, with incredulity, asking, “How could you possibly believe that?” But counterarguments are usually ineffective. Mockery never works. Unless we already have a very close relationship, the other person is likely to tune me out.
As difficult as it may be, I recommend compassion and curiosity for engaging someone who espouses conspiracy theories.
First, compassion. Psychologists have found that people believe conspiracy theories because they promise certainty and control in a confusing and frightening world. They also reinforce a positive image of oneself and one’s tribe. These are desires we all share. Leading with compassion humanizes us and the people we’re engaging and helps keep the temperature down.
Second, curiosity. Be sincerely curious even if you want to lecture or jeer. Ask questions like “Where did you hear that?” and “Why are you confident it’s true?” Encourage them to dig deeper and wider, to explore other sources that might verify or debunk what they’re claiming. You may learn something too, and you’re effectively encouraging them to be like the noble Bereans who “examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true” (Acts 17:11).
If someone is deep down the rabbit hole, they won’t change their mind quickly, if ever. But compassion and curiosity can open real dialogue where you can challenge false beliefs and hold more firmly to the truth.
Kevin Antlitz is an Anglican priest at a Pittsburgh church positively overflowing with kids. He and his wife have three children under ten, whom they pray will never know a day apart from Jesus.
Q: I’m 29 and still single. I’ve never had a boyfriend. My pastor talks about making Christ my identity, but I’m not sure what that looks like when I so want to be married. Should I be trying to better embrace my singleness and, if yes, how? I don’t want to make my relationship status my entire identity, but it’s a big part of my life. —Matchless in Massachusetts
Kiara John-Charles: As I read your question, my heart went out to you. Unfulfilled life desires can be deeply challenging, and church culture often elevates marriage to the point that it may feel like life hasn’t begun until you get married. However, church history and Scripture, such as Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7, suggest singleness too is valuable and blessed.
During your season of singleness, discover the richness of abiding in Christ. Study Scripture, cultivate a healthy prayer life, spend quality time with Jesus, and develop a healthy faith community. Learn to trust that God alone satisfies your soul, regardless of marital status. Hope for marriage can coexist with a full embrace of singleness.
In practice, singleness offers freedom to serve Christ (1 Cor. 7:32–35) and set your own schedule. Use that liberty well (Gal. 5:13). Explore spiritual disciplines. As you draw near to God, he draws near to you (James 4:8). Also, delight in the pleasures of life, such as traveling, learning new hobbies, playing sports, and nurturing meaningful relationships with friends and family.
Cultivate a life honoring God, full of purpose and joy. Cherish the time you have to dedicate yourself wholly to Jesus. When the right person enters your life, he’ll enhance that joy. Find your identity in being a daughter of God in Christ. Embrace this season; you are not waiting for life to begin.
Kiara John-Charles is an LA native with Caribbean roots and a love for travel and food. She works as a pediatric occupational therapist and serves at her local church in Long Beach, California.
Got a question for CT’s advice columnists? Email advice@christianitytoday.com. Queries may be edited for brevity and clarity.
This article appeared in the January/February 2025 issue of Christianity Today as "Qualms & Proverbs".
Qualms & Proverbs: Got a question for CT’s advice columnists? Email advice@christianitytoday.com. Queries may be edited for brevity and clarity.
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