One thing that helped was establishing who's leading the meeting. Because I would be leading and then Kevin would take over his piece of the meeting, and it was confusing. So I'd say, "Kevin's leading this part of the meeting, and then I'm leading this part of the meeting." Also being open and honest with the staff that when we're sparring, it's okay. That's helped, too.
Another thing that helps is that we have a bishop. At first some of the staff were wondering what would happen if Kevin and I and the senior pastor were all in conflict. We made an agreement up front that we would go to the bishop, that then we would go to therapists if we needed to. Then we would work on mediation.
At home, the difficulty is knowing where to end work. Kevin and I meet once a month, but we're talking about having a regular meeting every week to have that time when we can discuss some of the things we're talking about at home at ten o'clock at night when we're both on our laptops in our home office. Then instead, at ten o'clock we can be unwinding and going to bed.
Thursday night is our guarded date night. We may talk about work, but not problem solving. If we go into problem solving, we're done talking about it. We stop the conversation and take it up later.
We're pretty good as a staff to take off Friday and Saturday. So for Kevin and me, Friday is Sabbath. We don't do any kind of church work. Just whatever we want to do for fun. Then Saturdays are chore days.
How do you feel your professional relationship affects your marriage relationship and vice versa?
His entry was harder than we thought it would be. The personal and the professional get mixed: "Are you interacting with me as executive pastor or as my wife?" All of that got pretty blurred at one point until we recognized that in conversation, for example, he has to identify, "I'm talking to you as executive pastor of the church; or now I'm talking to you as my wife."
You have to define that for each other at that moment.
Right. We're still working through that.