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Now, just three months away from my wedding, I'm forced to face the reality of romance in the 21st century. If my future grandchildren want to read of their grandparents' courtship, they'll have to access a long-since retired e-mail account. The records of our love letters, like those of many of my peers, exist mostly in cyberspace.

Technology is changing the way we do romance. Devices such as instant messaging, e-mail, and chat rooms provide single people with the ability to connect with potential mates across town or across the world.

Though the methods have gone high-tech, meeting Mr. or Miss Right with the help of a go-between is nothing new. Genesis 24 tells of Isaac's servant traveling by camel to find a wife for his young master. Today, Isaac would have access to as many as 2,500 matchmaking sites online; some are devoted specifically to linking believers while most others include religion as a qualifier in the search. Christian matchmaking sites, with names like Equally Yoked, ChristianCafé, and Seek-Ye-First, allow users to post a profile and photo, and then, usually for a fee, search a database of thousands of other single believers. The sites are the cyberversion of a church singles social.

The people using these sites, according to the stereotype, are either lonely, socially inept individuals or relational predators seeking easy prey. Many think Internet-birthed relationships are shaky pairings that won't last any longer than a middle-school romance.

The potential problems of online matchmaking are huge, but the same risks exist any time single individuals pursue romance naïvely or for the wrong motives. The people seeking a match on the Internet are a fairly representative cross-section of the single-adult population—they are fellow church members, mail carriers, soccer coaches. In general, they are average people who long to build relationships.

Among this crowd is a woman I'll call "Jenny," a 34-year-old elementary school teacher from Michigan who has used online matchmaking for more than two years. Her favorite is the dating service ChristianMatchMaker.com. Jenny is athletic, attractive, and outgoing. Her profile and photo drew hosts of men—60 in one four-day period—seeking romantic relationships. She deletes many of the letters without replying, though she has talked with several men on the phone and met with a few in person. While most of the people she met were decent, her pursuits netted a few unwanted run-ins, including a man who told her to "resist the devil and come cook and clean" for him, and a woman with romantic intentions.

Jenny began using the Internet as a matchmaking tool after ending a serious relationship. "I had stayed in that relationship because I thought no one else would come along," she says. Looking back, Jenny says she wasn't over her relationship when she turned to the Internet to find someone new. This isn't uncommon; the Internet, she says, often attracts people who are on the rebound. Online matchmaking gave Jenny hope that marriage was still a possibility. "When I felt like there was nobody out there, I'd get online and write the whole country," she says. "You meet someone, you date, it doesn't work out, and then you go back online."

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June 11 2001, Vol. 45, No. 8