Cover Story

With Parents’ Help

Newlyweds will need our financial help for a while.

The following article is part of Christianity Today’s cover package on “The Case for Early Marriage.”

Mark Regnerus helps us to face certain unwelcome facts: Evangelical abstinence messaging is not stopping most young evangelicals from having sex; it is creating distorted expectations among Christians about the mind-blowing quality of marital sex. But Regnerus moves beyond these widely acknowledged problems and makes a new connection to our society’s broader demographic reconfiguring. He is correct to note that Christians are joining the rest of the culture in delaying or rejecting marriage, and that in general, we have grown lax in our thinking and practices regarding marriage (and divorce, I would add).

As one who married right out of college at age 22, who has performed dozens of weddings for new college graduates, and whose daughter will marry next year right out of college at age 22, I heartily concur with Regnerus’s thesis. I have seen it work, and I think it is far preferable to the prevailing alternatives.

But I agree with Regnerus that there is much to be done to make such young marriages likely candidates for success. Perhaps the most important practical shift will involve parental economic support for young married couples. It is clear that at least middle-class and upper-middle-class marriages are being delayed in large part because of the need for graduate education to obtain a decent job.

While Jeanie and I worked terribly hard in our early days of marriage to make ends meet while we were both in school, we also received timely financial help from our parents. Parents need to get past the myth that their 22-year-old newlywed children ought to be able to handle all of their expenses on their own.

But Regnerus is also right that, for the relatively young couple to have a chance at lifelong marriage, they must also address less tangible concerns. Extended adolescence and fewer role models mean that fewer 22-year-olds, especially men, are mature enough to even consider getting married. They may be more likely to make a foolish choice based on romantic feelings, sexual attraction, or a misguided sense of God’s will. But Regnerus is right in suggesting that even imperfect motivations or an imperfect choice (for all motivations and partners are imperfect) can be overcome through a recovery of the toweringly important concept of marriage as a binding, sacred covenant before God.

As marriage collapses or is redefined beyond recognition in our culture, marriage as God intended it is becoming a profoundly countercultural reality enjoyed by a relatively small percentage of the American population. They will know we are Christians by our (marital) love.

David Gushee, Distinguished University Professor of Christian Ethics at Mercer University, and author of Getting Marriage Right (Baker, 2004)

Copyright © 2009 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

Related Elsewhere:

This article responds to the cover package on “The Case for Early Marriage.

Previous Christianity Today articles about marriage include:

My Top Five Books on Marriage | By Charles W. Tackett, CEO of PursuingHeart.com (May 7, 2009)

Choosing Celibacy | How to stop thinking of singleness as a problem. (September 12, 2008)

Practicing Chastity | A lifelong spiritual discipline for singles and marrieds. Lauren F. Winner reviews Dawn Eden’s The Thrill of the Chaste. (March 15, 2007)

30 and Single? It’s Your Own Fault | There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that’s just sinful. (June 21, 2006)

Sex in the Body of Christ | Chastity is a spiritual discipline for the whole church. (May 13, 2005)

Reflections: Sex, Love, and Marriage | Quotations to stir the heart and mind (February 1, 2003)

Also in this issue

The CT archives are a rich treasure of biblical wisdom and insight from our past. Some things we would say differently today, and some stances we've changed. But overall, we're amazed at how relevant so much of this content is. We trust that you'll find it a helpful resource.

Cover Story

The Case for Early Marriage

Cover Story

The Waiting Game

Cover Story

An Ocean of Sorrow

The Purpose-Driven Job Hunter

News

Career Counseling in Church

Review

CDs on The List

Why Churchless Christianity Doesn't Work

Three Gifts for Hard Times

Readers Write

Books Uncommon and Offbeat

Here We Are to Worship

Review

New Music: Two for the Soul

Review

Putting Worldview in Its Place

Feeding Hope Under a Rogue Regime

The Only 'Christian Nation'

Our Life with God

Editorial

Mega-mirror

My Top 5 Books on Loss

Review

Is Self-Deception Always Bad?

Reasoning Together

Restless, Reformed, and Single

News

Q & A: Robert Duncan

Power Pentecostalisms

News

What's in a Name?

Matter Matters

News

Friend or Foe?

News

Go Figure

We Need Health-Care Reform

News

School's Out Forever

News

Quotation Marks

News

One in the Spirit

News

News Briefs: August 01, 2009

News

Let It Snow

News

Passages

News

The Workers Are Few

News

Desert Deaths

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