Cover Story

The Waiting Game

Single adults can live fulfilling lives that reveal God’s goodness.

The following article is part of Christianity Today’s cover package on “The Case for Early Marriage.”

The Wheaton College newspaper recently published an article detailing frustrations that married students experience on campus because of their choice to marry young. The article surprised me. From my perspective, Wheaton College, along with much of evangelical culture, seems obsessed with marriage. The number of students desperate for a “ring by spring” and the many marriage seminars at local congregations suggest that marriage remains a high priority.

Despite my different perspective, I feel for these married students. Certainly in our society, where strong marriages are so difficult to maintain, the Christian community should rally around these couples. And as I read through Regnerus’s argument, I found myself agreeing with several of his points. Yes, abstinence rhetoric is problematic, and many singles have difficulty maintaining their purity. And yes, characterizing marriage almost entirely by romance and great sex is dangerous.

But is encouraging early marriage the answer? As Regnerus admits, early marriage is a risky proposition. While some young Christians might be ready, I worry that emphasizing early marriage will hasten the marriages of many who should wait.

I also worry that this solution addresses only one aspect of the problem. What about those who will not marry early—or at all? Many Christian women in particular must face this reality. What do you do if you are the one in three who doesn’t find a spiritually mature man to marry? God can perform miracles, but despite the assurances of many Christian dating books, he doesn’t necessarily provide everyone with a spouse.

What we need, then, is to change not simply how we talk about marriage but also how we talk about singleness. Rather than relying on the old standby of “wait until marriage,” we must consider why God might ask some of us to remain single. What does it mean to live a celibate life even if you haven’t taken a vow of celibacy? Can you live as a full person if you aren’t sexually active? Can celibacy be a witness to the gospel?

In a world where a good sex life is seen as essential, I believe that celibacy can serve as a radical testimony to God’s love and provision. By approaching it as a spiritual discipline that reminds us that our ultimate fulfillment lies in our union with God, we can begin to see singleness as a productive time of serving God rather than a period of simply waiting for the right partner. Is the celibate life easy? No. But by the grace of God, it is possible.

We should support young Christians who decide to marry. But we need to combine that message with another that affirms the value of celibacy and the truth that single adults can live fulfilling lives that reveal God’s goodness: a message that affirms not only older singles who may never marry, but also younger singles who may need to wait before marrying.

Christine A. Colón, associate professor of English at Wheaton College, and coauthor of Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must Be Reinvented in Today’s Church (Brazos, 2009)

Copyright © 2009 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

Related Elsewhere:

This article responds to the cover package on “The Case for Early Marriage.

Previous Christianity Today articles about marriage include:

My Top Five Books on Marriage | By Charles W. Tackett, CEO of PursuingHeart.com (May 7, 2009)

Choosing Celibacy | How to stop thinking of singleness as a problem. (September 12, 2008)

Practicing Chastity | A lifelong spiritual discipline for singles and marrieds. Lauren F. Winner reviews Dawn Eden’s The Thrill of the Chaste. (March 15, 2007)

30 and Single? It’s Your Own Fault | There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that’s just sinful. (June 21, 2006)

Sex in the Body of Christ | Chastity is a spiritual discipline for the whole church. (May 13, 2005)

Reflections: Sex, Love, and Marriage | Quotations to stir the heart and mind (February 1, 2003)

Also in this issue

The CT archives are a rich treasure of biblical wisdom and insight from our past. Some things we would say differently today, and some stances we've changed. But overall, we're amazed at how relevant so much of this content is. We trust that you'll find it a helpful resource.

Cover Story

The Case for Early Marriage

Cover Story

With Parents' Help

Cover Story

An Ocean of Sorrow

The Purpose-Driven Job Hunter

News

Career Counseling in Church

Review

CDs on The List

Why Churchless Christianity Doesn't Work

Three Gifts for Hard Times

Readers Write

Books Uncommon and Offbeat

Here We Are to Worship

Review

New Music: Two for the Soul

Review

Putting Worldview in Its Place

Feeding Hope Under a Rogue Regime

The Only 'Christian Nation'

Our Life with God

Editorial

Mega-mirror

My Top 5 Books on Loss

Review

Is Self-Deception Always Bad?

Reasoning Together

Restless, Reformed, and Single

News

Q & A: Robert Duncan

Power Pentecostalisms

News

What's in a Name?

Matter Matters

News

Friend or Foe?

News

Go Figure

We Need Health-Care Reform

News

School's Out Forever

News

Quotation Marks

News

One in the Spirit

News

News Briefs: August 01, 2009

News

Let It Snow

News

Passages

News

The Workers Are Few

News

Desert Deaths

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