A worship space is called a “sanctuary,” or safe place, but it’s not if a parishioner feels unsafe and inhibited by the sexualized words or actions of another parishioner. No federal mandate protects the right to worship in a safe place, so the church is called to monitor itself.
How can a church create and maintain an environment for healthy worship?
Break the silence.
Denying sexual harassment occurs reinforces the tendency of victims to stay silent. One study found that 33 percent of female victims respond to sexual harassment by trying to ignore it. “Perhaps the worst thing about sexual harassment,” says Helen Lewis, director of D.C. Commission on Women, “is that women have been socialized to feel flattered by much of it.” (Of course, the same is true for men.)
To the harasser, silence can be taken as passive assent to the unwanted behavior and actually escalate the harassment.
Churches could begin by sponsoring seminars and small-group discussions on healthy relationships and sexuality, the dynamics of abuse, and prevention skills. Misuse of power and passion also may be topics for sermons, bulletin inserts, newsletter articles, information on the resource table, and pastoral prayers.
Check the laws.
Churches may rely in part on state laws or their denomination for guidelines concerning sexual harassment by the pastor. Denominations, however, rarely address harassment instigated by a parishioner. For that situation, the local church is usually left on its own to create a sense of sanctuary within its congregation. This involves more than writing the perfect policy. True sanctuary requires the whole congregation’s investment in education and commitment to intervention.
Develop and follow policies.
The church could design policies to respond to complaints of (1) clergy sexual misconduct, (2) child and elder abuse, and (3) sexual harassment. (See sidebar “Before It Happens.”)
Developing a policy, however, is one thing; sticking to it is another. Even if someone refuses to refrain from harassment, churches must commit to adhere to their policy. Based on Matthew 18:15-17, one local church finally filed a protective restraining order against a parishioner.
With clear policies and strong training, a church communicates: “We believe in and protect the safety and sanctity of each of God’s children. No room here for wolves grazing among the flock!”
WHAT A PASTOR CAN DO
How can a pastor respond to the problem of sexual harassment?
Trust the warning signs.
Our culture has numbed our natural ability to discern danger. Much of the trauma of sexual harassment could be avoided by early intervention or confrontation. That requires trusting our feelings of discomfort, especially if a particular person makes us feel uneasy.
One way pastors can do this is by expressing pastorally your concern about hurtful behavior you witness: “That joke is offensive and demeaning of women, your sisters in Christ. Please do not share jokes like that in this congregation.”
Also believe that when it happens once, it may happen again. Know your denominational and legal guidelines for rectifying abusive situations.
Listen well.
If someone comes to you for help, be aware of natural tendencies to deny the person’s story. Listen quietly. Lawyers and detectives worry over factual detail; pastors address the person’s spiritual pain. Refrain from minimizing or explaining away things she or he experiences as harmful. (Federal law defines sexual harassment by the effect on the victim, not the intent of the offender). Encourage the person to seek help from counselors with expertise in sexual harassment.
Help the person list options.
Do not press the harassed individual to report the situation; the decision should be made by her or him alone. Help the person think through options for response that escalate based on the offender’s response. You might recommend to:
1. Document the behavior and save any evidence. Writing the events discourages denial. Saving the evidence may be repulsive, but it helps if needed later. One pastor kept a “slimy” box in his office for a woman who said, “I can’t stand having those sick, slimy letters he wrote me. I want to burn them all.” Later, the box helped her dodge the classic “his word against mine.”
2. Confront the person. Encourage the victim to follow Jesus’ counsel about what to do if someone “sins against you” (Matt. 18:15-17). The steps involve outlining calmly and clearly the offensive event(s) and what is expected in future interactions.
For example, a parishioner could say, “You have asked me out before, and I have turned you down. I will do so in the future, and further requests for a date I consider harassment. If you insist on asking me again, I will discuss it with your supervisor.”
If face-to-face confrontation is too risky or frightening, recommend your parishioner take a friend as an advocate or write a firmly-worded letter. (Once again, document. California state law will not consider sexualized behavior as “unwelcome” unless proven that it continued “after a request by the plaintiff to stop.” Make notes of the date, what was said, and the harasser’s response.)
3. If the confrontation fails to change the behavior, ask for extra help. Multiple voices may increase the individual’s comprehension of the offense, much as an intervention often shifts an alcoholic’s behavior. Usually getting extra help involves filing a formal complaint, following the guidelines of the institution where the harassment occurred, such as, the company or the local church.
Someone wounded by sexual harassment needs more than a “quick-fix” response. His or her struggle seems to intensify after filing a formal complaint because of the long delays and feelings of “re-abuse” by the institution, especially if that institution is the church. Resolving harassment claims within the church usually takes well over a year–a year full of tears, truth-telling, and ultimate healing.
Institutions, including the church, rarely welcome complaints and may even deny them. But the institution can design an intervention to help protect the complainant and reduce the offender’s temptation to re-offend. If the local institution fails to address the harassment, you can recommend the person claiming harassment move to a higher level (the denomination, if within the church; the EEOC or state department of fair employment, if within one’s job). As a last resort, use the courts.
4. Distance yourself from the offender as soon as possible. Being “nice” often sends confusing messages. Jesus held offenders accountable for their behavior; it is not unchristian for us to do the same. If a harasser has made a healthy, comfortable relationship impossible, encourage your parishioner to grieve and let the relationship dissolve.
The church is called to protect the vulnerable, hold offenders accountable for their behavior, and create a true sanctuary of spiritual, physical, and emotional safety. Pastors are called to end any abuse within their congregations, to encourage any harassed parishioners, and to seek justice and healing.
Kibbie Ruth is executive director of the Pastoral Center for Abuse Prevention in San Mateo, California.
Copyright © 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./LEADERSHIP Journal
Copyright © 1995 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
