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My deadline for writing this column came shortly after the terrorist attacks of September 11. A dozen different potential columns passed through my mind. In the end, I decided to devote this space to excerpts from a letter faxed to me on September 12, one day after the tragedy. It gives personal, individual focus to a conflict normally discussed in global terms—and poses an important challenge to the church. For me, everything going on in the world took on a different slant because of this letter.

Dear Mr. Yancey,

Considering the terrible tragedy that happened yesterday in this nation, I don't know whether this is the appropriate time to write about something personal. But perhaps because of what happened, I think I should write this letter, because I am convinced now that evil does exist in this world.

Growing up in Pakistan, I was a moderately religious Muslim. During the past few months, some of the events in my life caused me to think about God. A friend of mine had a brain tumor, and that caused me an immense amount of pain and sent me searching for the answer for "Why?" I read some books about the prophet Muhammad and the Islamic faith by Western scholars. I was shocked to learn a lot of things about my religion that I never knew. I felt—and still feel—betrayed and hurt. In a closed society like Pakistan, any sort of criticism of Islam is punishable by death, so one cannot have an unbiased view of the faith.

As I found out all these not so agreeable things about Islam, I found myself drawn toward the Christian faith. So I just called [a local pastor in the United States]. Over the past few months, I met with him regularly, and every time I asked him a lot of questions. Each time he would give me books to read.

For a Muslim person to be that interested in the Christian faith is unthinkable. [My family and I] have talked about issues like the concept of salvation in Islam (which is through deeds) and that of Christianity. They find it quite ridiculous—the concept of a Savior and one person dying for everyone's sins, and that all you have to do is to believe in him. To be honest, I find this concept a little strange too.

Islam does believe in the Virgin Birth of Jesus, but it says that he was a prophet of God and no more. It also says that he was lifted up by God and was not crucified; the Jews only thought that they crucified him. Islam even believes in the Second Coming of Jesus. I have found myself defending the Christian beliefs against my family, arguing that the Crucifixion is a historical fact and that someone who is so special as to be born of a virgin—and who would even come back to the world—can't be just a prophet of God.

But the most painful discovery for me about the Islamic faith has been its concept of militancy. I always used to think that these fanatics were just misguided people who give Islam a bad name. To be sure, Islam does not permit killing of innocent women and children, but as I have found out, its teachings are quite different from those of Jesus, who wants you to turn the other cheek. As I know now, violence does have a strong precedent in Islam.

The terrible tragedy that happened yesterday in this country seems to be the logical outcome of teachings that tell you it's okay to reply in kind. I think that's what happens when you try to enforce God's will in this earthly world rather than believing that his kingdom is not of this world but of the other world.

My mom is so distressed. She has been pleading with me not to abandon my faith. I love her so much. But how can I force my heart to believe in something that just doesn't seem right? I still have a lot of questions about Christian beliefs, but I know that if I decide to convert, I will be causing an immense amount of heartbreak. I would be ostracized by all my relatives. Also, my legal status in this country expires next year, and considering my views about Islam now—and my sympathetic and favorable view about the Christian faith—I can't imagine going back to Pakistan.

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December 3 2001, Vol. 45, No. 15