The phone rang on a Friday afternoon. The desperate voice on the other end said, "Doctor, when can I see you? My pastor suggests I need to talk with you. Do you have a minute now?"

In the following minutes he poured out a story of torment. He had been married fourteen years and had three daughters, but in the last ten years he had been intimate with his wife only three times. He understood that the terrible abuse she had suffered at the hands of her father and cousins had placed terrible scars on her emotional being. Yet after fourteen years, he was wondering if he could continue in this relationship.

I wondered what her side of the story was and what role this man played in their nearly sexless relationship.

"Would your wife come along to see me?" I asked.

"Oh, no. She refuses counseling. She says it's my problem."

He continued, "She's in Canada now visiting her family. I don't know for sure when she'll be back, but before she returns I think ...