To Quip


A third-grade Sunday school teacher was uneasy about the day's lesson: "Thou shalt not commit adultery." By way of introduction, she asked, "Would someone please explain what adultery means?"

A young sage answered matter-of-factly, "Adultery is when a kid lies about his age."


The bad news: the average American has just $83.42 in the bank.

The good news: The average American is $4.6 trillion richer than the U.S. government.


A woman answered the knock at her door and found a destitute man. He wanted to earn money by doing odd jobs, so she asked, "Can you paint?"

"Yes," he said. "I'm a pretty good painter."

"Well, here's a gallon of green paint and a brush. Go behind the house and you'll see a porch that needs repainting. Be very careful. When you're done, I'll look it over and pay you what it's worth."

It wasn't more than an hour before he knocked again. "All finished," he reported with a smile.

"Did you do a good job?" she asked.

"Yes. But ...

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