Criticism

Excerpts from actual performance reviews for British Navy and Marine officers:

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity."
"This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be."
"Works well under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This officer should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better."
"This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

Forgetfulness

The visiting city dweller was amazed when the farmer gave a whistle and his dog herded the cattle into the corral, then latched the gate with her paw.

"Wow. That's some dog. What's her name?"

The forgetful farmer thought a minute, then asked, "What do you call that red flower that smells good and has thorns on the stem?"

"A rose."

"That's it!" The farmer turned ...