A district superintendent often assists local churches in their search for new pastors. If the D.S. calls you as a potential candidate, the D.S. will try to give you a feel for the congregation. To help pastors translate these assessments, we submit the following list:

When the District Superintendent says, "I just need someone to go in there and love the people."

What the D.S. means is, This group is on the verge of a major church split.

D.S. SAYS: "This church simply needs an injection of new life."

D.S. MEANS: The senior adult class constitutes 90 percent of the membership.

D.S. SAYS: "There's a good core of young marrieds in the church."

D.S. MEANS: The young marrieds Sunday school class has been going for 42 years, and they haven't bothered to change their name.

D.S. SAYS: "This congregation has an involved, well-mobilized laity."

D.S. MEANS: They've demanded recall votes of the last six pastors.

D.S. SAYS: "With a little bit of time, this church could bust loose."

D.S. MEANS: The most cantankerous ...