I remember the first church member who came to me and criticized my preaching. My first reaction was to become defensive. I wasn't sure if the complaint was entirely fair. I also wasn't sure if this complaint was a symptom of a larger problem within the congregation–namely, a desire for control over what I said in the pulpit. I was new to this congregation. It was a small church with a complicated history.

I called my former professor and mentor, Michael Jinkins. "Should I be worried about this?" I asked.

"No, you shouldn't worry. He came to you directly. That shows he wants the best for you," Michael responded.

I took Michael's advice, and within a short year, the member was one of my closest allies and friends. The member did indeed want the best for me. I learned that day how helpful it is to take down those defenses and listen to what people have to say.

As leaders who often work in institutions in the midst of decline, we can become overwhelmed with criticism. It is easy to become defensive, ...