For too long, Chuck Norris has been the benchmark for superhuman acts of power and justice. We're setting that right.

From Wright fans John Raines, Kevin Emmert, Drew Dyck, and Paul Pastor comes this list of adoration for everyone's favorite bishop-scholar-warrior-guru.

You call it idolatry. We call it reality. POW!

Keep kicking, Tommy-gun!

1. N. T. Wright doesn't parse nouns. They decline themselves before him.

2. When James Dunn came up with the New Perspective, it was already old to N. T. Wright.

3. N. T. Wright doesn't baptize infants. He sprinkles the hell out of them.

4. Dead theologians sit around and read books about N. T. Wright.

5. The Trinity isn't a mystery to N. T. Wright.

6. N. T. Wright doesn't read books. He stares at them until he gets the information he wants.

7. N. T. Wright once preached all night in an upper room. No one fell asleep.

8. Instead of playing crossword puzzles during breakfast, N. T. Wright solves New Testament manuscript variances.

9. N. T. Wright knows the ...