I've written here on a number of occasions about my hopes (and fears) for Penny when it comes to making friends. I try to arrange playdates. I talk to her teachers about her social skills. We practice "using her words" and looking people in the eye. We bemoan how often she just wants to crawl into an adult's lap and cuddle instead of running around with other kids. And, quite frankly, we generally blame Down syndrome for this behavior.

I do think Down syndrome has something to do with it. Penny didn't walk until she was two, and even then she required a good deal of physical assistance. She was dependent upon adults for help for a lot longer than other children might be, and much of that came as a result of low muscle tone. And since speech is more difficult for kids with Down syndrome, I assume that Penny's language skills might impede her ability to make friends.

But then we had a series of guests come to visit over the summer. All of them had big families with three or four kids, all typically-developing. And all of them worried out loud about their eldest child having a hard time making friends. The oldest children, they related, often had friends over to play and the friends ended up playing with a younger sibling. The oldest children preferred adult company. The oldest children preferred to read books on their own over freeze tag on the lawn.

By the time we had heard this story four times, Peter and I started to realize we thought Penny's trouble making friends was all a result of Down syndrome. We had forgotten that she's also the oldest child, the oldest grandchild, the oldest great-grandchild, and for the first two and a half years of her life, she received every ounce of familial attention she could possibly want. Yes, she has Down syndrome, and it has contributed in some way to her social development. What seems to matter even more, however, is that she was born first. Go figure.