At the Women’s Auxiliary Buffet, Pastor Weems, Dr. Ivy, and Dean Drinkwater were chatting as Weems finished a second slice of chocolate whipped cream cake. Studying the trio, I was reminded of the importance of Comparative Ecclesiastics, the psychosomatic study of atypical clergy. The following introductory descriptions are of value to research assistants, pulpit committees, and prospective ladies of the manse.
Ecclesiastics Ectomorphus. Solid supporter of church suppers, bake sales, teas. Often visits in the homes of his parish to encourage hospitality. A weighty opponent of asceticism. Prefers Genevan robe in pulpit (52, short). Jolly sermonettes a specialty.
Clericus Mesomorphus. Enthusiastic keystone of young men’s activities, notably at second base on the soft-ball team. Develops small group emphasis throughout the church year: bowling, basketball, tennis, golf in season. Muscular preaching with booming cross-nave volley. Casualties from handclasps at the door.
Doctorandus Endomorphus. His immortal sermons never die, they just fade away. He carries the groceries with a scholarly stoop and drives his vintage Packard with philosophic detachment. He can sometimes recall the name of a parishioner by associating him with a Continental scholar.
Predicandus Amorphus is all things to all men. An evangelicalliberal with leanings toward and away from neodoxy and paleoism. Heartily concurs in both sides of every argument—with minor reservations. Man of many deep convictions which last for days.
Your cooperation is invited in compiling profiles of other notable types. Studies are in progress on Tyranothesaurus Rex who hurls synonyms like thunderbolts and defies you to break into his conversation, and Dialecticus ...1
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