Pardon Me, Are You a Protestant?

A Play With Johnny Steffen In The Leading Role

This short play appeared in the German monthly Kirche und Mann (Church and Man) in November, 1953. It has been translated from the original German by James Shiffer Kiefer of Grand Rapids, Michigan, and is used by permission. Although specially pertinent to the German scene, it holds a lesson also for un-Protestant tendencies in American and British church life. It is an interesting example of self-judgment of a type we ought to employ more frequently.—ED.

Cast

JOHNNY STEFFEN • A TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL • A PARISH PASTOR AN ELDER • A MAN WHO COMES TO PAY HIS CHURCH TAX

Prologue

Scene: Pastor’s Study. On Stage: Johnny Steffen and the Pastor.

Steffen: The Reformation Day service was well attended, wasn’t it?

Pastor: Yes, I was very pleased.

Steffen: Pleased—also about the many Catholics who were there?

Pastor: Catholics? At the Reformation Day service?

Steffen: Not actual Catholics. I mean those who are outwardly Protestants, but inwardly Catholics.

Pastor: I know there are some like that. But do you really think there are many?

Steffen: Very many. Perhaps even the majority. You don’t think so? Shall we make a test?

Pastor: I’m really curious as to how you will go about this!

First Act

Scene: A street. On Stage: Steffen, Pastor, and ten-year-old girl.

Steffen: Little girl, come over here a minute, please. What is your name?

Girl: Barbara.

Steffen: Then you surely must be a Catholic.

Girl: No, why do you think that? I’m a Protestant.

Steffen: I thought on account of the name.… Well, all the better. Can you perhaps tell me how one can get to Heaven?

Girl: (Hesitantly) Well, if you … are always good … and pray … and go often to church … then you can go to Heaven.

Steffen: But weren’t you taught in school that the way to Heaven is free, because God loves us and sent Jesus to die for our sin?

Girl: Yes, of course. But …

Steffen: But what?

Girl: Well, you must also do something yourself to get to Heaven.

Steffen: Free—and yet do something for salvation. I don’t understand that. Who told you this?

Girl: My mother.

Pastor: Well, there we have the mother’s opinion too.

Steffen: Yes. Barbara, I want to tell you something. Every Catholic mother tells her child the same thing. Thanks—and here is a little something for you. (Girl leaves.)

Second Act

Scene: Tax collector’s office. On Stage: Steffen, Pastor, and a man who came to pay his church taxes.

Steffen: Pardon me, but are you a Protestant?

Man: Well now, why do you ask?

Steffen: I am doing opinion-research. You’re familiar with that, aren’t you? Good. You don’t need to answer, but I’d be much obliged to you if you would.

Man: Oh, all right. Yes, I’m a Protestant.

Steffen: Is it important to you to belong to the Protestant Church, or could you equally well be a Catholic?

Man: Well, you know, we really all believe in the same Lord God. But, be a Catholic? No! The many ceremonies! And the compulsion!

Steffen: Another question. Were you confirmed?

Man: Naturally.

Steffen: Did you also have a church as well as a civil ceremony when you were married?

Man: Of course!

Steffen: Why were you confirmed, and why did you have the religious as well as the civil marriage?

Man: Why, everybody does!

Steffen: What I meant was, was your heart really in it?

Man: To be honest, not really.

Steffen: Why didn’t you just bypass these rituals, then?

Man: Huh! Then you don’t know my mother. She would have raised a fuss. And my grandfather! And my aunts!

Steffen: The Pastor, too?

Man: I don’t know for certain, but I assume so.

Steffen: However that may be, somehow you had to be confirmed and you had to have the religious marriage ceremony. Isn’t that right?

Man: Yes, of course.

Steffen: Of course! But a while ago you protested against the compulsion of the Catholic Church.

Man: But that’s something entirely different! The Catholic has to do much more!

Steffen: Well then, the Catholic must do much, the Protestant must do little. But both are compelled to do something. Is that your opinion?

Man: That’s about right.

Steffen: If it’s correct that the Catholic is compelled (and we won’t discuss that point now), then you are a Subtraction-Catholic. Don’t ever say again that you’re a Protestant. At least not until you really become one! Many thanks to you, and good morning! (Man leaves.)

Pastor: That’s a sad case, too. But wait. There comes one of our elders. Question him. He won’t know you, and I’ll withdraw so that he will answer freely. (Pastor leaves.)

Third Act

Scene: A Street. On Stage: Steffen, the Elder.

Steffen: Pardon me, are you a Protestant?

Elder: I certainly am.

Steffen: Oh—then you are surely a pastor.

Elder: No, only an elder.

Steffen: Only an elder, hmm. May I ask you a question?

Elder: I suppose you are an opinion-researcher?

Steffen: That’s right. The first question: How many Groschen [a coin; one could say “nickles”—ED.] are there in a roll such as one prepares for the bank?

Elder: I don’t really know.

Steffen: You don’t? I thought that as elder you might deposit the collection once in a while.

Elder: No, our pastor does that.

Steffen: Another question: Into how many collection districts is your parish divided for the relief collections?

Elder: I don’t know.

Steffen: But who prepares for the collections? Who sees that there are enough collectors? Who prepares the collection lists and the information sheets? Who places the notices in the local paper? And who receives the collection from the collectors? Who sends the sum realized to the relief agency?

Elder: The Pastor does all that.

Steffen: Another question. Does your church have any building project at the present time?

Elder: Yes, we are building a home for apprentices.

Steffen: Whose idea was this?

Elder: The Pastor’s.

Steffen: Who looked into the financing of it?

Elder: The Pastor.

Steffen: And who discussed the plans with the architect?

Elder: The Pastor.

Steffen: Who appears now and again at the building-site as a representative of the church?

Elder: The Pastor.

Steffen: Haven’t you been there yet yourself?

Elder: Indeed I have! I was at the cornerstone-laying.

Steffen: All right. One final question. As elder do you make an occasional sick call?

Elder: Of course not. That’s one of the Pastor’s duties. And the people don’t really appreciate a visit from me. They want to see the Pastor.

Steffen: How do you explain that?

Elder: Well, because he’s the pastor. I’m only an elder—only a layman.

Steffen: Only a layman. Well, many thanks, sir. May God preserve your parish and your pastor—otherwise neither will live much longer! (Elder leaves.)

Pastor: (Entering again) Well, that wasn’t too good either. But so far as our subject is concerned, our good elder wasn’t really especially “Catholic.”

Steffen: No, up to the “only a layman.”

Pastor: That was unfortunate, to be sure.

Steffen: And this “only a layman” idea seems to be rather widespread in the parish. It seemed that way to me in the matter of visiting the sick.

Pastor: Yes, it’s unfortunate.

Steffen: I’m glad to hear you say, “It’s unfortunate.” However, I have one last test I’d like to make. My dear Paul, would you permit me to address you impersonally for a little while?

Pastor: Well, if it has to be—but why?

Steffen: It doesn’t have to be, but it should simplify matters. Shall we go in again?

Fourth Act

Scene: The Pastor’s Study On Stage: Steffen and the Pastor.

Steffen: Pardon me, are you a Protestant?

Pastor: I hope so, by God’s help.

Steffen: You must be a pastor.

Pastor: That’s right, I am.

Steffen: Then, I have a special question for you. I have noticed that young assistants and students of theology are allowed to preach now and again, but may not baptize or hold a communion service. Is this observation correct?

Pastor: Yes, the authority to administer the sacraments is granted through ordination.

Steffen: And what is “ordination”?

Pastor: According to Luther, the Protestant Church has a universal priesthood of believers. That is to say, in principle every Christian can preach and administer the sacraments. However, so that no disorder or confusion can arise, the Church delegates authority to a special man for this service—the Church ordains pastors.

Steffen: That’s very clear, thank you. Then it is for the sake of order. I find that illuminating. Now, however, in this time of transition, when a student for the ministry has almost completed his training but is not yet ordained, why do you distinguish between authority to preach and authority to administer the sacraments? Are the sacraments greater, worthier or more holy than the Word?

Pastor: No, absolutely not.

Steffen: That’s what I think, too. Luther even said, “Eating and drinking doesn’t accomplish it, but the Word.” Then that can’t be the basis for this distinction.

Pastor: And it isn’t. But there must be regulations.

Steffen: That, too, I don’t understand altogether. Regulation and order! It seems to me to be rather easy and free of danger to read the order of service for baptism. I don’t see how there can arise any “disorder” there. On the other hand, in preaching-how much can go wrong there for a young, inexperienced man! If order is the important thing, it would make more sense to me if you would allow the young, budding pastor to administer the sacraments but forbid him to enter the pulpit to preach.

Pastor: (Keeps silent.)

Steffen: Well, now we have arrived at the question I was aiming at. Is this a sound reason for the greater importance we place on the administration of the sacraments? The Catholics esteem the sacraments above the Word, if my information is correct. And whoever is to administer the sacraments must be a consecrated priest. (But even the Catholic recognizes exceptions in case of emergency, just as we do!) But have we really maintained Luther’s understanding of “ordination”? Or—as our discussion of the young ministers disclosed—has the idea of the “consecration of Priests” slipped into Protestantism?

In short, Pastor, are you a Protestant?

Pastor: Johnny, now it’s high time to call a halt.

Steffen: You’re entirely right. Of course, I didn’t mean you personally.

End

Final word of the editors of Kirche und Mann to the reader: Pardon me—are YOU a Protestant?

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