I had not seen my preacher friend Emeritus Thatcher for several months, when I met him coming out of Ace Hardware. He was carrying a shovel and he informed me that he was now in the business of renting holes.

“Well, not actually renting holes,” he explained. “I’m really digging wells, which are holes of a sort. I’m building a park in which I duplicate the wells that Abraham and Isaac dug. I think people will want to pay to visit these wells and renew their faith. It’s a step toward the deeper life.”

Emeritus is calling the venture “Wells Go Far,” and he hopes to establish branches in every major city. “You can always find a vacant lot,” he said, “and it just takes some elbow grease to transform it into a Wells Go Far park.”

At his first park, he featured dramas from Genesis, such as Abraham sacrificing Isaac, and Isaac meeting his bride. They were going to present Abraham casting out Hagar and Ishmael, but the local Arab nationalist league threatened to test an atomic bomb if they did. “We Christians have to expect persecution,” Thatcher declared.

The sacrificing of Isaac posed a problem at first because the ram kept getting loose from the thicket and running away. Emeritus solved the problem by putting iron on the ram’s horns and hiding an electromagnet in the bushes. When he pushed the button, the ram was free. “Of course, we didn’t really kill the ram,” he said. “The local SPCA threatened to fill up our wells if we did. But, we have to expect persecution.”

While studying his Bible one day, Emeritus hit upon the idea of also letting people build “faith altars,” just as the Old Testament patriarchs did. Now he has a collection of rocks near each well, and for only $5.00 a visitor can build his own altar the same way Abraham ...

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