The Myth of the Generation Gap: Surprising Findings about Adolescents and Their Faith Offer Hope to Parents and Youth Workers

This past spring, Search Institute, a 25-year-old organization specializing in youth research, released some astonishing results of a major national study titled “Listening to Early Adolescents and their Parents” (LEAP). This study of fifth through ninth graders followed up a similar study conducted with high school students ten years earlier. Because of the nature of the sample (mostly churched kids) and the significance of the findings, CHRISTIANITY TODAYasked Gregg Lewis, Scott Bolinder and Philip Yancey of theCAMPUS LIFEstaff to visit Minneapolis to talk with Merton Strommen, founder and long-time director of Search Institute.

Strommen’s first book, The Five Cries of Youth, has become a classic in youth ministry. His most recent book, to be released this fall, is titled, The Five Cries of Parents. Also participating in the interview were Father John Forliti, who was program director of the LEAP study, and Mark Wickstrom of Youth Leadership, Inc. Forliti is a 25-year veteran of Roman Catholic education and currently program director of a government-funded study of a unique values-based sex education program. Wickstrom has been a youth worker both with Young Life and the church, and currently teaches youth ministry at three seminaries in Minneapolis/St. Paul as part of his responsibilities with Youth Leadership, Inc.

While the LEAP study has turned up a wealth of information, we were surprised by what kids and parents had to say about family. Could you summarize your findings?

Strommen: Respondents in each grade from fifth to ninth ranked “to have a happy family life” highest among 24 values.

Forliti: This study of young adolescents also reconfirmed earlier studies that our kids are still pretty close to their parents. Parents are still of utmost importance to them in terms of values and beliefs. In fact, they outweigh peer influence.

Strommen: The people they most want to talk over their problems with are their parents. And a recent study conducted for the National Association of Secondary School Principals, without regard for secular or religious commitment, discovered that the same thing is true of high school kids.

Are you saying there is not as big a generation gap as we usually think?

Strommen: A chasm separates kids from parents for about one-fifth of the population. But to use “generation gap” as a broad generalization just isn’t accurate. I don’t even think a true generation gap existed in the sixties. It was a media term that became popular. Those who have done research on it have generally rejected the idea.

The one-fifth are those kids whose attitude is negative toward adults. We have always had these countercultural kids, and always will. But they simply aren’t typical of the total population.

Based on your research and your experience with young people, what other significant trends or characteristics do you see—factors the Christian church needs to take into account in helping youth?

Strommen: One trend is that younger and younger students live hectic schedules. I’m not certain who precipitates it. They may be learning it from watching their parents. Incidentally, I’m talking more of a suburban than an urban setting.

Last year a senior in a small group said, “Tomorrow night I’m going to have dinner at home; it’s the only time I can do it this week.” Two nights were for his church group, two were taken by regular school activities, and the other two were for something else. A lot of teenagers leave home in the morning for school and don’t get back until 10 at night.

Forliti: We listed 24 values in the LEAP study. While kids said their number one value was a happy family life, the next four values in importance had to do with achievement: finding a successful job, doing something important in life, making parents proud of them, doing well in school. So it may be that, more than we would like to admit, young people reflect the drive for achievement of their parents.

Also, many people don’t realize how many kids work, and how much.

To illustrate that, 61 percent of the readers of CAMPUS LIFE hold jobs. And many of those with jobs work morethan 20 hours a week.

Forliti: When I was a kid we worked to keep out of trouble and to save money for a good college education. And some kids today are working toward the same goal. But I think even more are working to survive till college while still having all the things they think they need to keep up their chosen image. I see kids spending a lot of money on things that were not essential a generation ago, but that have become “necessary” today. The wants have become needs. Acquiring these things takes work and a lot of time.

Kids are big consumers. Last year teenagers pumped billions of dollars into the U.S. economy.

What other significant trends do you see?

Wickstrom: Young people are becoming isolated. The Walkman makes it possible to have a group of people sitting at a table with one or two plugged into their own song and their own world. You could say it’s the greatest thing that ever happened for a youth retreat: radios and boom boxes on the bus aren’t blaring out eight different songs. But in another sense, this experience of personal media pretty much tunes out life as it’s going on right there.

The video movement does much the same thing. You have pizza places/video arcades with 200 people jammed in a room, but nobody is talking; they are riveted to their screens. Three people may be looking at the same game screen, but they aren’t talking to each other.

Modern dance symbolizes that too—on a dance floor full of people, nobody is touching. There are no partners; everyone is doing his own thing in the midst of a crowd doing the same.

Forliti: Cable television has added to this trend toward isolation. It reduces the need kids feel to go out. They can see movies and MTV in the basement without the crowds of a theater or concert. Parents gladly bring in the equipment so they at least know where their kids are, even if they don’t know what they’re watching.

Do you see this affecting young people’s ability to interact, respond, and take part in a group discussion?

Wickstrom: That often depends on personality and age of the kid. Naturally seventh, eighth, and ninth grade discussion groups are harder to pull off than those with high school seniors who have handles on some things.

Forliti: The ability to interact often-depends on what the kids’ experiences have been—primarily educational. If they’ve had extensive individual work where their opinions have been asked, they are used to speaking up.

When I was a kid, you were often looked down on by your friends if you volunteered anything in a group. Kids are generally more open today; they sense they have something worth saying.

Strommen: In one area it may be harder for young people to talk: the religious realm. So many lack the background or experience of having put their religious feelings and thoughts into words.

For 27 years my wife and I had a youth Bible study group in our home. Those who came represented the core group of the church’s young people. Yet as the years passed, we found less and less knowledge of the Scriptures. We’d bring up a character or book of the Bible they were completely unaware of. So they’d say, “Tell us the story,” and I might recount, say, the story of Esther.

The advantage to this lack of knowledge is, of course, that the Bible is no longer old hat. For today’s teenagers, even those who are churched, it’s a new book. So everything you say about it has a newness to it.

But it also means that many basic religious concepts—the foundations necessary for considering and expressing religious feelings and thoughts—are not there yet.

Does this mean we have to lay a good deal of groundwork in dealing with teenagers today?

Strommen: Somebody has to do it. In our young adolescent study, we asked young people in grades five through nine to answer this question: “Do your parents ever have you sit down to discuss the Bible, or God, or religious things?” Forty-three percent said this never happened. Yet 98 percent of these parents were identified members of a church. Thirty-two percent of the kids said it might happen once a month, and 13 percent said it might happen once a week. So only about 13 percent heard talk about religious matters at home. That means few see faith regularly related to life.

Is that an indictment of the state of religious education in the family?

Forliti: It is. But at the same time, the parents of those kids in our survey say that of all their values, fourth from the top is that “God should be at the center of my life.” And for the kids, eighth from the top of their 24 values is that “God should be at the center of my life.”

Sixty-eight percent of the parents indicate they’d like to learn to help their child grow spiritually. So I think the parents are probably as tongue-tied as their children in this area.

Wickstrom: We’ve done some informal things in the last couple of years using Kohlberg’s Moral Development model with several groups of seniors. Few of them correlated biblical principles with the moral choices they made. Consistently they made what looked like a Christian response, but when asked about its base in the Bible, they didn’t have the foggiest idea. They just thought it seemed Christian, or they’d vaguely heard that that was what Christians did.

Forliti: I don’t think a lot of Christians live by faith today. Reason or something else is taking its place. They have a pragmatic foundation for their morality rather than a biblical one. In talking about life after death, they’re more apt to quote Kubler-Ross than Christ.

What other trends does the church need to acknowledge about youth today?

Forliti: By and large, kids are more articulate than earlier generations—except when they are discussing spiritual subjects. They’re more personable. They talk more openly about their feelings than older generations. We’ll probably never get to the point where we do away with all adolescent tensions, so youth and adults will probably never be totally comfortable with each other. But I do see a much better relationship between the generations now than 20 years ago.

Wickstrom: Another characteristic of kids is that they tend to be the most honest audience within the church. Adults will listen to mediocre sermons for years, out of habit, or guilt, or because they think it’s good for the family. When it comes to faith, kids will respond more honestly.

That can be a refreshing characteristic. But does it present a serious challenge?

Forliti: If our message doesn’t scratch where they itch, kids are gone. They just aren’t hypocritical enough to show up and go through the motions. Where adults will try to be polite, kids will just move on.

It’s happening in massive numbers. When it comes to church, kids are voting with their feet.

We’ve talked about some of the characteristics of youth, and trends among them. Are there common misconceptions you think adults in the church hold—misconceptions that need to be corrected if there’s any hope for reaching and holding young people for Christ?

Wickstrom: Adults often believe that kids don’t pick up their attitudes toward them. For instance, a study has shown that most pastors don’t enjoy conducting confirmation classes for young people—they don’t like being there. Kids sense that; they have a built-in radar that gives them an accurate reading of adult feelings toward them.

Forliti: Another misconception is that kids are adults, as contradictory as that might sound. Adults often lay on too much responsibility.

For example, in my special field of adolescent sexuality and pregnancy, many parents would like to talk to their kids about sexual values and behavior. But they think their kids already have an adult knowledge of the subject. Frequently I will ask parent groups, “How many of you think kids today, your junior high kids, know more about sex than you do?” Unabashedly the majority will raise their hands.

Does that then get adults off the hook?

Forliti: It does. We assume kids are as informed as adults, so they’ll be protected, and make the right choices. Then the kids are left with an essentially adult responsibility. But we’ve gone overboard by giving too much responsibility too soon. David Elkind discusses this in The Hurried Child. This problem arises in other areas too—drinking, for instance. In a sense, it’s a denial that adolesence exists. In our attempt to be respectful, we try to treat them as adults. But it would be more respectful if we were to remember they were kids, and gave them the freedom and the time to learn to be adults.

Strommen: It’s another misperception that young people aren’t interested and won’t respond to a spiritual message. In fact, the very field of religious psychology began with Starbuck’s study in 1899. His findings on conversion indicated that, religiously, a person was most likely to flower between the ages of 13 and 17. Subsequent studies have come to the same conclusion—early and middle adolescence are times of special religious opportunity. Then people are more responsive to the issues of faith.

Though parents and other adults often assume young people aren’t interested, many kids long for spiritual understanding and discussion.

In the past, though the Christian message often came across as moralistic, adults were at least concerned that the young be saved. But it can be documented that this concern has been missing through the sixties and seventies.

Now, however, as I make the rounds of various mainline denominations, I hear a new old word: evangelism.

Young people need this. One of the most important developmental tasks of an adolescent is to answer the question, “Who am I?” And this is one reason young people are so open to search for the answer to: “Who am I in Christ?” Adults can help them discover a Person within, one who can be Lord and Savior. In this process, they are finding their true identity.

Suppose parents now say, “Okay, you’ve convinced us. We really can talk to our kids.” So they decide, “Tomorrow we’re going to start doing all this because the data say it will work.” What are the red flags that could thwart their good intentions? Or would you just tell them, “Give it a try, and don’t worry about well-intentioned mistakes”?

Wickstrom: In a recent article on early adolescence, a professor at the University of Minnesota pointed out that kids are drawn to competence. It’s true across the whole spectrum of life. And they’re also drawn to competence in faith. When they meet authentic people of faith—people who are competently living out their faith and talking about it—kids take notice.

Are you defining competence as knowledge or authenticity?

Wickstrom: Authenticity—demonstrating our knowledge with our lives.

The opposite is also true. Kids are turned off by incompetence, and phoniness. So my caution to the parent is, “Be yourself.” Don’t suddenly become a disciple of Rogers or Jung as if that’s the way to reach your child. The secret isn’t technique, it’s authenticity.

Strommen: I agree. I’m concerned about the information the parent communicates to his kids. But I’m more concerned about his learning to listen to his kids when they say where they are. Then as they raise questions the parent can get the information and pass it on.

Parents ought to be freed from feeling they have to be authorities on every subject. It’s almost always better to say honestly, “I really don’t know much about this topic, and I may not be able to give you much help. But I sure would like to hear where you’re at; I’m interested to know what your questions are.” Then parents and kids can look for some answers together.

Would this same advice apply to pastors and youth workers?

Strommen: Yes. Often so little good communication takes place because the moment a kid raises a question or expresses an opinion, we jump in with an explanation or admonition.

A number of years ago we sponsored five-day counseling seminars for pastors. To train them, we brought in young people for Thursday and Friday. At times pastors paired off with the kids: the kids were simply to talk, and the pastors were to listen. We found that several close friendships developed and continued with exchanges of letters for some time afterward. I asked one Detroit youngster, “Why do these kids respond so well to the pastors you were helping to teach to counsel?” He replied, “It’s the first time in my life an adult has listened to me talk for 45 minutes without … interrupting and trying to tell me what he thought.” Perhaps this kid had never known an adult who treated him as a significant person who had something to say worth listening to.

How is this related to respect?

Forliti: “Respect” is a key word. What does it mean for a parent or adult, youth worker or pastor, to respect kids? The word is usually pointed in the other direction—kids are to respect authorities. But what about the reverse?

For me, it means I first understand that they are creatures of God just as you and I are. In this sense we are equal. The Bible says there is “neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female.” Could we not add, “young nor old”? We have to believe that, and act like we believe it. There’s an equality between young and old as children of God. We’ve already said we shouldn’t expect them to be and act like adults, but we must treat them as equals by respecting their own development.

We have talked about families and interpersonal adult/teen relationships. But what about communication between the Christian community and young people? Are the principles the same?

Wickstrom: The church has heavily relied on information as the basis of Christian education. We provide a workbook to study on Sunday morning, and think that will change values, change life. Rather, nurturing a student means we must share not just information, but our lives and perceptions as well. We must weave all three together if we want authentic nuturing.

Forliti: We would provide one of the best strategies for Christian education, and one of the best services to society, if we reincorporated adolescents into life by inviting them along to share life experiences with us. I once asked a group of high school seniors how many had ever been to a wake. Out of 28, 2 raised their hands. We can all learn so much about faith and God if we just let them into kids’ lives.

Strommen: So often we want to make Christian education into a program simply aimed at disseminating information. But most people will learn a great deal experientially if we’re there with them to listen, to talk, and to react.

We know of a small Episcopal church that conducted an experiment in Sunday school with junior high kids. They had perhaps six in the class, and found six adults who, for the quarter, were willing to take the same kid out for breakfast every week during the Sunday school hour. Men on men, women on women. No agenda; they just went out for a danish and listened to the kids.

Strommen: I have a hearty respect for people who communicate their values through a congenial atmosphere and warm relationships. I’m afraid Christian education has bought into the public school model of putting kids into a grade. They are usually segregated, and seldom allowed to participate in church activities or spiritual learning in a family group or in a setting that includes people of all ages. Experiences like that could have a powerful effect on learning about faith and values.

This brings us back to something you have written, Dr. Strommen—that parents might just be the best built-in youth ministers the church has. They are the untapped resource of many youth programs.

Strommen: We have to take deliberate steps in the church to bring parents and kids together. It can be done.

It happened by happy accident in one study we carried out for the government. The purpose was to teach kids the skills of friendship. When we offered informational sessions for parents to explain what we’d been doing, several hundred came to say, “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.” Kids were taking the friendship training home and practicing it on their parents. And the parents said, “We love it.”

I think parents and kids will respond to this kind of training. It’s a need we haven’t addressed well enough in the church program.

The LEAP study (of fifth through ninth graders) should have a major impact on the way we minister to young people, because it shows the early age at which kids seem to be wrestling with “adolescent” issues.

Strommen: Many people are surprised that fifth and sixth graders are raising such questions. It was a surprise to me too. But I now see fifth and sixth grades as the time of golden opportunity to address issues like death, drinking, and sex. In the past I have always thought of high school as the time to do youth work. But now I see that it must start around fifth grade so that by the time kids hit adolescence there’s already a basis for trusting and talking with significant adults—before kids’ experiences get so deeply involved.

In your research, do you see some positive megatrends that should encourage or challenge those who are in formal Christian ministry?

Strommen: It’s very hopeful to know that when the parent takes encouragement and nurture seriously, young people tend to reflect good behavior and resist bad behavior. The continuing respect young people have for parents and family is an invaluable advantage the church needs to seize and use. And the church today can play an even more effective role to help hurting people.

In the past, the research profession I represent has never taken religion seriously. Religion is just not included in the studies. Researchers have not tried to measure moral values as they relate to beliefs. But we are finding that these beliefs are the most reliable indicators of who will be best able to take advantage of opportunities in life and become healthy, productive people. That’s a general statement, but it can be documented.

Wickstrom: One of the exciting things from my perspective is that students want to be treated as part of the kingdom of God now. We’ve treated students as the church of the future. They need to be the church now.

Churches should avoid the “tennie top” mentality, where expectations of what kids can do spiritually are about as high as the tops of their tennis shoes. At school, students are National Merit Scholars, disciplined and talented hockey players, or excellent musicians and actors. They hold jobs, show up on time, do good work, run a car. But when these same kids go to church, people want to entertain them and hold their hands, while telling them what to think and what words to say. A kid says, “What a comedown. Teachers and coaches expect a lot of us. But the church says, ‘Can we get you another bag of potato chips?’ ” There’s a serious problem in the underlying nonverbal message here.

Is this changing with an increased emphasis on discipling of teens and training in peer counseling?

Wickstrom: If we challenge them spiritually, 15-year-olds are capable of ministering to other 15-year-olds (or 12-year-olds). It’s exciting to watch this in a church. And it can happen if we equip students to be models and active ministers to their peers.

The research says they want that, and my experience says they can do it.

Forliti: It’s easier to work with kids today than it has been for 15 or 20 years. They are by and large more articulate than previous generations, and more personal; these are credits to the adults in their lives. Young people of the 1980s can talk more about feelings than older generations could have done, or would have been allowed to do. We’ll always see problems, and youth and adults will never feel completely comfortable with one another, but we are a lot better off today than we were 20 years ago. It’s a pleasure to be a youth worker now. It was tough 15 years ago; then, it was awful, almost crucifying.

If you could sound one warning to the Christian community about their youth today, what would it be?

Strommen: Commitment to youth work has been my life for 50 years. And I have to say that I’ve never witnessed a more lethargic attitude toward youth ministry than I see today. Despite signs of change, the urgency of the situation has to be stated so decisions can be made and the church can begin to move. In a “Readiness for Ministry” study involving clergy and laity of 47 denominations, we included a question on youth ministry. The laity ranked it high. The clergy ranked it much lower. The leadership must pick up an urgency for youth work.

Forliti: I’d sound the same warning. If there’s one thing I’d like to change in our churches it’s the attitude of pastors toward kids and youth work. Why is it so low on the order of priorities? The church could lose a whole generation unless we pay kids some attention, give them some respect, listen to them, love them, and give them opportunities for service. Many believe they will come back once they grow up; I’m not sure they will.

Wickstrom: My warning is that the church needs to broaden its definition of “youth ministry.” There’s the buddy role, getting to know kids individually. Then there’s a nurturer role—for instance, leading Bible studies. And there’s the advocacy role, where you’re working on behalf of kids.

I don’t know too many people who have spent a whole lifetime being a buddy. They probably aren’t going to be on the hayrides until they’re 90. But one can be concerned about kids, active in representing them, understanding them, and directing the youth ministry of others.

The ordinary church is looking for a buddy, but a buddy wears out. On the average, youth ministers last 16 to 18 months. If we’re going to make a lasting impact on kids, we’ll have to develop a broader definition of youth ministry.

Strommen: My warning is simply to point out what’s happened in Europe. I’m not saying the young people there are no longer interested in Christian matters, but generally they’re not looking to the church to provide any help for their lives. By contrast, in this part of the world, right now young people are eager for the church’s message. But if we don’t seize the opportunity, we may lose it.

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